Ten Ways to Get a Free Thanksgiving Turkey
Why buy a bird when the universe is handing them out to anyone unhinged enough to ask? From séance turkeys to quantum buffets, here are… Read More
top ten lists
Ten Ways to Get a Free Thanksgiving Turkey
1. The Séance StrategySummon the ghost of last year’s turkey. Demand restitution. Most spectral turkeys are surprisingly apologetic and will re-manifest as a physical bird… Read More
Ten Unusual Things that Should Be Taken with a Grain of Salt
Following the Great Pickle Uprising and the fall of the Mayonnaise Empire, humanity has clung to one guiding principle: take it with a grain of… Read More
The Ten Worst Pick-up Lines in History
The Ten Worst Pick-Up Lines in History Artificial intelligence may write passable sonnets and select your socks, but humanity still insists on approaching other humans… Read More
Top Ten Patron Saints of Sports Fans
“We will, we will, rock you.” In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was Score. And lo, people by the tens of thousands… Read More
Real Horoscopes You Can Trust
Step right up, star seekers and skeptics alike! You have tried the rest, now try the blessed–because Real Horoscopes You Can Trustâ„¢ are here to… Read More
The Grammar Prick convenes the firing squad for crimes against language. Justice prepares to proofread.
The Ten Worst Clichés in English Should Be Capital Crimes
Cliches are the herpes of human speech–once contracted, they flare up whenever people try to sound thoughtful. You hear them at brunches, board meetings, and… Read More
Ten Car-Chasing Dog Breeds Ranked
Disclaimer: No Car-Chasing Dog Breeds, top ten or otherwise, should ever be allowed to chase cars. It is dangerous, chaotic, and deeply embarrassing when they… Read More