Nothing says "I just spent $200,000 on an education" quite like being forced to sing a depressing 19th-century hymn about fellowship while pretending not to cry.
There exists a special circle of auditory hell reserved for college alma mater songs, those funereal dirges that transform thousands of otherwise rational young adults… Read More
1. The Time-Warp Grandpa Age 82, male, permanently dressed like a 1993 RadioShack manager. Smells faintly of solder and distant disappointment. Believes car thieves roam… Read More
The connoisseur of bargain bin vintages must steel himself for a journey into the underbelly of viniculture, where price tags whisper of austerity and flavors… Read More
Why buy a bird when the universe is handing them out to anyone unhinged enough to ask? From séance turkeys to quantum buffets, here are… Read More
1. The Séance StrategySummon the ghost of last year’s turkey. Demand restitution. Most spectral turkeys are surprisingly apologetic and will re-manifest as a physical bird… Read More
Following the Great Pickle Uprising and the fall of the Mayonnaise Empire, humanity has clung to one guiding principle: take it with a grain of… Read More
The Ten Worst Pick-Up Lines in History Artificial intelligence may write passable sonnets and select your socks, but humanity still insists on approaching other humans… Read More
“We will, we will, rock you.” In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was Score. And lo, people by the tens of thousands… Read More
