Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Sporting Life

Tom Brady’s Head Deflates at Press Conference

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As Tom Brady denied any wrongdoing in the illegal deflation of the footballs used by his New England Patriots in the first half of their 45-7 beat down of the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday, reporters at Mr. Brady’s press conference began to murmur among themselves uneasily.

Their discomfort was not caused by the absurdity of Brady’s claim that he couldn’t tell the difference between a fully inflated football and one from which roughly 15 percent of the air had been removed or by the number of times he said “you know.” They were alarmed when–nearly five minutes after Mr. Brady had started taking questions–his head began to distort as though someone was letting the air out of it.

“What’s the matter with your head, Tom,” shouted Jackie MacMullan, a columnist for ESPNBoston.com.

“I swear I did not alter the air pressure in my head,” Mr. Brady hissed as his right eye began to retreat into its socket. “The integrity of my head means too much to me.”    

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