Friday, September 22, 2023

Wesley Snipes Launches Tax Advice Website

an image

OCALA, Fla. – Wesley Snipes talked briefly with reporters yesterday after leaving the courthouse where he had just pleaded not guilty to eight counts of federal income tax fraud.

The star of Jungle Fever and other films said that he was so certain of prevailing “in the face of these racially motivated charges” that he was launching a tax-advisory website to enable “the little guy” to employ the same tax-filing strategies that have saved Mr. Snipes millions of dollars during the last ten years.

Mr. Snipes, 44, who is free on $1 million bond, calls his new website Available by subscription only—registration fee $199.99 annually— is, according to Mr. Snipes, “full of the kind of advice the government doesn’t want you to know—advice that will save you from having your hard-earned money confiscated by the IRS.”

Although Mr. Snipes claimed that he didn’t want to give out “too many free tastes,” he implied that his “proven methods” are based on the theories of tax expert Eddie Ray Kahn, founder of American Rights Litigators in 1996, an organization that was reborn as Guiding Light of God Ministries in 2003.

Them Weekly has learned that one of Mr. Kahn’s pivotal tax strategies is his belief that the 16th Amendment, which established the income tax, was never properly ratified after its passage in 1909. He also contends that states are sovereign entities beyond the scope of the IRS, which has the authority to collect taxes only in the District of Columbia.

Applying these and other “little-known” tax law theories, Mr. Snipes submitted “bills of exchange” as proof that he had paid unspecified taxes in 1996-97, thereby earning a $12 million refund from the IRS for those two years.

Mr. Snipes also signed an affidavit of incompetence in which he claimed he did not understand tax laws or know whether they applied to him. This move was part of a strategy that enabled him to avoid having to file any tax returns at all since 1999.

After speaking to reporters outside the court house, Mr. Snipes left for an undisclosed location. He will return to Namibia soon to complete filming Gallow Walker. He must be back in the United States on or before January 10 to surrender his passport.

In other news, President George W. Bush assailed The Recording Academy for sending the wrong message to our troops by nominating the Dixie Chicks for five Grammy awards.    

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

Verified by MonsterInsights