July 2013 – postcards from the pug bus

Philadelphia 76ers Will Play Entire 2013-14 Season Overseas

philmaggitti 261 Views 2 min read

PHILADELPHIA–The Philadelphia 76ers have made what might be their boldest move yet in an offseason filled with bold innovations. Yesterday General Manager Sam Hinkie announced that the 76ers will play in the Beko Turkish Basketball … Read on

Music

Taylor Swift Placed Under Suicide Watch (Breaking News)

Chip Hilton 274 Views 2 min read

READING, Pa.–Taylor Swift has been placed under a suicide watch by concerned members of her entourage, the Pug Bus learned today. The popular, six-foot-tall singer-songwriter has been sideswiped by increasingly severe and frequent panic attacks … Read on

Culture

Pippa Middleton’s Ass Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be

philmaggitti 274 Views 2 min read

LONDON – In a recent study conducted by the National Centre for Social Research, nine out of ten Britons were unable to identify Pippa Middleton’s ass in a mock police lineup. The 587 randomly selected … Read on

Culture

Local Resident Thinks He’s at the Top of His Game

Biff Scuzzy 253 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Al Covington is the picture of confidence as he sits at a table outside the Iron Hill restaurant on a hot July afternoon. He glances occasionally at a passer-by between bites of his … Read on

Technology

Norton Internet Security Now Refuses to Let Customers Uninstall

philmaggitti 264 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Norton Internet Security has quietly rolled out its you-can-check-out-any-time-you-like-but-you-can-never-leave uninstall policy. We learned about this new “safeguard” when we attempted to update our Java software and became the unsuspecting recipient of a free … Read on

News

George Zimmerman Rescue Effort Criticized

philmaggitti 247 Views 3 min read

SANFORD, Fla.–George Zimmerman, recently acquitted of sixteen charges brought against him in the shooting death of an unarmed black youth, is now being criticized for fraudulent heroism. Six days ago Mr. Zimmerman, 29, helped to … Read on

Culture Religion

Sex Scandal Rocks Christian Mingle: Breaking News

Chip Hilton 253 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – The massively popular dating site Christian Mingle has been rocked by a sex scandal. “Threesomes, foursomes, pedophilia, bestiality, anal sex, cock fingering, scat play, you name it and apparently ‘God will … Read on

Horoscopes

Celebrity Birthdays for the Week of July 21

philmaggitti 309 Views 5 min read

Born this week you might be a Cancer, you might be a Leo, or you might experience a disconcerting growth spurt in one of your vestigial organs.

Whatever, your chances for a normal life are … Read on

News

Detroit Bankruptcy Blamed on Shift in Autoeroticism Tastes

philmaggitti 253 Views 3 min read

DETROIT – The city of Detroit’s recent bankruptcy filing is owed in no small part to shifts in tastes among devotees of autoeroticism in the United States. Autoeroticism—the act of sexual congress with the tail … Read on

Ass Hats

Stevie Wonder Wins Trayvon Martin Ass Hat Award

philmaggitti 244 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Racial harmony in the United States may not be receding in the rear view mirror of life so much as one might imagine in these post-Trayvon-Martin times.

Ever since George Zimmerman … Read on

News

Post Office Will Issue Trayvon Martin Stamp

philmaggitti 266 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Trayvon Martin, whose only crime was winning a fight, will be a winner in death thanks to the United States Postal Service, which will issue a Trayvon Martin commemorative stamp on September … Read on

Religion

St. Benedict the Patron Saint of Hemorrhoids, Europe, and Other Stuff

philmaggitti 259 Views 2 min read

St. Benedict is the patron saint of Europe, kidney disease, food poisoning, hemorrhoids, and school children. He is recognized as the greatest influence on after dinner drinks in the West.

Born into a distinguished family … Read on

Innerviews

Exclusive Interview with England’s Royal Fetus

philmaggitti 272 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Postcards from the Pug Bus has secured an exclusive interview with the Royal Fetus, which is expected to be delivered by Katherine the Duchess of Cambridge any day now. The circumstances of the … Read on

Saints Alive

St. Augustine Zhao Rong et al. Are Today’s Patron Saints

philmaggitti 259 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA. – The First Universal Brotherhood of the Aggressive Atheist is pleased to join our Catholic brethren everywhere in ecumenical fellowship to salute the memory of St. Augustine Zhao Rong et al., 120 … Read on

News

NSA Foils Massive Gettysburg Plot

Biff Scuzzy 271 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Security Agency (NSA) announced this morning that it had foiled “a massive terrorist plot” to disrupt the 150th reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg, held on July 4-7 at Gettysburg, … Read on