September 2019 – postcards from the pug bus

Dishing with the HMFIC of National Penultimate Day℠

Chip Hilton 591 Views 2 min read

Our culture is obsessed with going the extra mile, giving 110 percent, leaving it all on the field. Supermarkets are open 24/7/365 to satisfy our shopping needs from A-to-Z, while athletes routinely crow about taking their games to a whole ‘nother level. Into the midst of this maelstrom, like the voice of one hand clapping Read More

Sporting Life

Dab Rig Manufacturer Issues Refunds for Kaepernick Model

Biff Scuzzy 495 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO—Rigs-R-Us, the nation’s leading manufacturer of “smoking enhancement technology for the socially conscious,” offered refunds today to any customers who bought a Colin Kaepernick Puffco Peak dab rig that would not start. The Kaepernick model ($399.99 MSRP), was introduced to coincide with the start of the National Football League season three weeks ago. It Read More

Politics

BLM Declares National White Chocolate Day Racist

philmaggitti 477 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Black Lives Matter (BLM) plans to interrupt tail-gaiting parties at several NFL games this afternoon to protest the celebration of National White Chocolate Day, observed each year on September 22. BLM Minister of Information Rashieel Watson-Korengi told Postcards from the Pug Bus that the protests were long overdue. “Crackers been celebrating that white Read More

Culture

SPAM to Introduce Edible Swimwear During Fashion Week

Chip Hilton 467 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK—Hormel Foods, makers of Spam, announced yesterday that it has added edible swimwear to the ever-growing catalog of novelty gift items made in the image and likeness of the popular foodstuff. According to Hormel’s chief information officer, Gloria Silverman, “SPAM swimwear is the first item in what is expected to be a long line Read More

Book of Daze News

Pug Bus Service Marks National Penultimate Day℠

philmaggitti 587 Views 2 min read

The National Penultimate Day℠ campaign, launched recently by Postcards from the Pug Bus, took a giant step toward gravitas yesterday when Postcards’ editor in briefs Phil Maggitti applied for service mark registration for the name National Penultimate Day℠. “Good service marks make good movements,” chortled Mr. Maggitti, noting that soon the Pug Bus will be able Read More

Technology

Propane-Driven Vape Pens Blamed for Three Deaths in Amish Country

philmaggitti 518 Views 2 min read

Bird in Hand, PA—News of the deaths of three unrelated Amish youth—Jacob Stolzfus, 18, Lucas Stolzfus, 19, and Cyrus Martin, 21—has exploded like after-market vape pens in this quaintly named Amish community. The youth, who were all employed in the kitchen at Miller’s Family Style Smorgasbord, died after the vape pens they had jury rigged Read More

Book of Daze

Pug Bus Launches National Penultimate Day Campaign

philmaggitti 492 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s least influential web site, today launched its National Penultimate Day campaign by sending a Bewerbungsschreiben to the National Day Calendar requesting that December 30 each year be designated National Penultimate Day. Phil Maggitti, Pug Bus editor in briefs, who sometimes writes under the pen name The Grammar Prick, Read More

Culture

Walmart Intruduces CBD-Infused Dental Dams

Biff Scuzzy 1338 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—Walmart Inc [NYSE: WMT, 116.92, ▲ 0.90 (0.78%)] announced yesterday that it will begin selling CBD-infused dental dams in all its retail outlets by September 25. The move is seen by industry analysts as an attempt to boost dental dam sales—an attempt, if you will, to encourage Walmart customers to put their money where Read More

Culture

How Millennials Can Tell If They’ve Had Sex

philmaggitti 469 Views 2 min read

BLOOMINGTON, Ind.—Researchers at the Kinsey Institute of Sex and Public Policy at Indiana University report that millennials cannot agree on what they mean when they say they’ve “had sex.” This conclusion was based on phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women born between 1983 and 2000. Most were heterosexual, though Read More