Mrs. Coffee Files for Divorce, Names Jennifer Aniston in Suit

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NEW YORK – Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston was named as “the principal contributing factor” in a divorce suit filed by Mrs. Coffee, wife of the popular coffee-making icon.

The Coffees’ were married in 1973, the year Mr. Coffee skyrocketed to fame in the United States. Their marriage survived other disturbances, most notably Mr. Coffee’s flirtation with Mrs. Tea in the 1980s, but according to a close friend of the couple, “There’s real trouble brewing this time.”

Ms. Aniston met Mr. Coffee in the appliance section of a store in Malibu last spring. She allegedly turned to him for comfort as she struggled with depression after she had been tossed aside by her husband, Brad Pitt, who has been linked romantically with Angelina Jolie.

“Jen did spend a lot of time with Mr. Coffee,” said Ms. Aniston’s best friend, Courteney Cox Arquette, “but their relationship was strictly platonic. I don’t think it constitutes grounds for divorce.”

“That sounds like an instant defense,” said Mrs. Coffee’s attorney, Jose Arabica. “Ms. Aniston’s own statements last summer indicate that she was more than ‘just friends’ with Mr. Coffee.”

Ms. Aniston did, in fact, tell Vanity Fair that when she needed companionship, she liked nothing better than to “get next to Mr. Coffee and push his buttons. He never lets me down.”

In other news, Mischa Barton, who turns twenty today, will publish her memoirs this summer.    

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