Angelina Jolie Adoption Reaches Milestone

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona – Angelina Jolie is a long way from breaking Mia Farrow’s parenting record—four biological and ten or eleven adopted kids—but the Tomb Raider star takes a back seat to nobody when it comes to adopting highways.

While the media focused on Ms. Jolie’s three adoptions and one natural birth during the last five years, she was quietly adopting more than one million miles of highways in the United States.

“I still plan to adopt as many non-Caucasian children as possible,” said Ms. Jolie yesterday after adopting a ten-mile portion of old Route 66 near Flagstaff, Arizona, which put her over the one-million mark.

“Nevertheless, once I’ve adopted fifteen or twenty children, I’ll hit the glass ceiling, but there are no limits on highway adoptions.”

Ms. Jolie’s companion of the last two years, actor Brad Pitt, who dabbles in architecture, has designed several of the stylish signs that mark Ms. Jolie’s highways.

“I am thrilled to be allowed to be a part of this project,” said Mr. Pitt. “I had always wanted to adopt highways when I was married (to Jennifer Aniston).
Unfortunately, my wife did not share that enthusiasm.”

In other news, Dell announced yesterday that it will soon begin selling PCs with the Linux operating system instead of Windows preinstalled. The announcement was greeted with scorn by long-time Linux users, who claim that you can’t appreciate Linux unless you’ve spent five hours installing and configuring it.    

⚠️ Satire rules here. If you are looking for facts, bring your own. If you are looking for spiritual, economic, or moral counseling, try prayer. Just do not bring any lawyers around this entertainment-only venue.