October 2011 – postcards from the pug bus

Apple Fans Scurry to Parse Steve Jobs’s Final Words

philmaggitti 257 Views 2 min read

PALO ALTO, Calif. – Apple watchers have begun what could be a long and winding effort to interpret the final words of Steve Jobs, who died of pancreatic cancer on October 5. Just before his … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Fingers Three Who Misused Begs the Question

philmaggitti 262 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna, – Hello, boys and girls. The Grammar Prick has a treat for you today. Instead of our regular quiz designed to irritate you and to undermine your confidence in your “language arts … Read on

Culture

President Obama Restores the Serial Comma to Federal Stylebook

philmaggitti 233 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama is expected to sign an executive order today that will reinstate the rules regarding the use of the serial comma to the Federal Elements of Style, the official … Read on

News

Cornel West Reveals Where He Plans to Get Arrested Next

Biff Scuzzy 258 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Cornel West is on a roll. The silver-tongued, fuzzy-headed, musty-looking Princetonian has been arrested twice in the last seven days. What’s more, according to a communication he sent to this website … Read on

Horoscopes

Your Snoop Dogg, Grandpa Jones Asshole Buddies Birthday Horoscope

philmaggitti 276 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today you share a birthday—and, if you’re lucky, some birthday brownies—with rapper and human bong hit Snoop Doggy Dogg. Before you get all excited though, Skippy, you ought to know … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Sticks It to The Neosecularist and ESPN

philmaggitti 263 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – While navigating the backwaters of the internet yesterday, I nearly ran aground on a website entitled The Neosecularist. What brought me up startled was this sentence: “There is some graphic … Read on

Religion

God Blasts Rick Perry over Intelligent Design and Celebrity Photo Books

Biff Scuzzy 274 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a statement faxed to the editor of THEM Weekly magazine, God the Father Almighty chided presidential candidate Rick Perry for using the theory of intelligent design “to suck up to people … Read on

Technology

First Steve Jobs Miracles Reported, Brown Declares Steve Jobs Day

philmaggitti 250 Views 3 min read

CUPERTINO, Calif. – As initial reports of the first miracles credited to the divine intervention of Steve Jobs began flickering across the digital divide, California Governor Jerry Brown declared Sunday October 16 “Steve Jobs Day” … Read on

Sporting Life

President Obama Threatens NBA Players Who Sign with Foreign Teams

philmaggitti 265 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama said today that National Basketball Association (NBA) players who sign with “foreign teams” during the current NBA lockout will be taxed heavily for their “selfish, un-American behavior.”

Speaking from … Read on

Sporting Life

NBA Players Union To Decertify, Regroup as Shopper’s Club

philmaggitti 247 Views 1 min read

New YORK – Claiming that the National Basketball Association owners latest contract offer will make it “more difficult for us to keep food on the table,” the NBA players union has voted unanimously to disband.

… Read on

Ass Hats

Representative Lamar Smith Is the Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 286 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lamar Smith, chairman of the House of Representatives Judiciary Committee, is the latest winner of the Postcards from the Pug Bug Ass Hat of theMoment award. Mr. Smith (R-Texas) earned this … Read on

Sporting Life

Tim Lincecum Blames His Dog, Others for Trashing Townhouse

Chip Hilton 250 Views 2 min read

SAN FRANCISCO – Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum blames his dog, Cy, and others for the damage caused to a townhouse formerly occupied by Mr. Lincecum in San Francisco’s Mission District. In a disjointed phone call … Read on

News

Amanda Knox Bags High Paying American Express Ad

philmaggitti 247 Views 2 min read

Amanda Knox: My Life, My Card

My name . . . Amanda Knox

perfect day . . . not coming home to a dead roommate

greatest disappointment . . … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Rides Hobson’s Choice to Victory

philmaggitti 278 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—While simultaneously watching The Hour on BBC America last night and reading Nina Burleigh’s The Fatal Gift of Beauty: The Trials of Amanda Knox, I heard one of the characters on The … Read on

Culture

Raffaele Sollecito Eager to Step Out of Amanda Knox’s Shadow

philmaggitti 250 Views 3 min read

PERUGIA, Italy – No matter what happens when an Italian court reaches a verdict in the appeals trial of Raffaele Sollecito and Amanda Knox today, Mr. Sollecito says he is ready to be “my own … Read on

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