Bill Wyman’s Mysterious Spreadsheet: A Rolling Stone Gathers Moss?
On January 15, 1967, the Rolling Stones appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show. Under pressure from CBS, they changed the lyrics of “Let’s Spend the Night Together” to the more Presbyterian “Let’s Spend Some Time Together.” Mick Jagger rolled his eyes with such theatrical contempt that viewers at home nearly choked on their soft drinks.
History remembers this as a clash between rock and television standards. History missed the more interesting story.
While Jagger was fussing about whether a night could legally be reduced to “some time,” bassist Bill Wyman was quietly compiling what may have been popular music’s first customer relationship management database.
Contrary to legend, Wyman was never interested in keeping score. Scores become tedious. Categories, on the other hand, are forever.
Therefore, every acquaintance with whom he spent time reportedly acquired a file. Not merely a name, but a proper record: favorite novelist, preferred Rolling Stone, opinion of paisley, tolerance for jazz flute, likelihood of confusing Aftermath with Between the Buttons, and a generous remarks section reserved for observations that were “worth remembering, or at least worth indexing.”
The archive allegedly became massively detailed. Wyman did not gossip. He normalized data. According to sources that become noticeably less reliable after this point, the files eventually produced several surprising findings.
Sixteen-point-two percent preferred B-sides to deep cuts, a result Wyman described as “comfortingly consistent.”
Only 9.4 percent ranked Between the Buttons above Aftermath. Beside this entry he reportedly wrote, “Wrong, but displaying admirable confidence.”
Exactly 143 respondents named Charlie Watts as their favorite Rolling Stone. Wyman circled the figure three times and added, “Investigate.”
Three-point-eight percent listed their favorite food as “whatever Keith isn’t eating,” suggesting either remarkable loyalty or excellent survival instincts.
The final page of the archive reportedly contains no conclusions, only a handwritten note:
“More research required.”
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