Katie Couric Sign-off Contest Finalists Announced

Katie Couric, the first solo evening news anchor ever to undergo a colonoscopy on live television, admitted on her initial broadcast Tuesday that she was stuck for a clever sign-off line.

Ms. Couric—also the first solo evening news anchor ever to have a mammogram on live television—has vowed to give her viewers a look at the news from the inside. But first, there’s the little matter of that sign-off line.

Ms. Couric, who no longer does her own writing now that she’s a role model for widows of a certain age, asked viewers to send her suggestions for a unique sign-off, adding that submissions accompanied by colon-friendly recipes would receive special consideration.

Tonight, immediately following her special on preventive health care, Ms. Couric will bravely ask her viewers to choose from the following finalists in the Katie Couric Sign-Off-Line Competition.

This is Katie Couric, bidding you and all your internal organs a very good night.

That’s the news, and if you don’t like it, you can buzz off.

This has been Katie Couric, bending over backward to bring you the news.

I’m Katie Couric, and I approve this message.

Don’t take it lying down unless you absolutely have to.

Eat your heart out, Connie Chung, I’m getting better ratings.

This has been Katie Couric, and these headlines are real.

Good night and good luckish.

This is Katie Couric, reminding you: if at first you don’t succeed, adjust your teleprompter.

Don’t blame me; I just read the cards; I don’t write them.