Your Earworm Horoscopes for June 30, 2025

Looking for some celestial chaos? We put the hell in hellacious. Today the stars align according to whatever infernal earworm tortured you yesterday. Accuracy not guaranteed. Dignity already gone. Let’s begin.

♈ Aries Song stuck in your head: “Eye of the Tiger” – Survivor The cosmos is impressed by your delusional belief that you’re training for something. You’re not. You’re just sweating through another Monday and glaring at your coworkers like you’re in a cage match. Today, punch a deadline instead of a person. Your lucky color is overcooked ambition.

♉ Taurus Song stuck in your head: “Milkshake” – Kelis The stars confirm: your milkshake did, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard. Unfortunately, they’ve started a podcast about it. You’ll spend the week trying to reclaim your lawn and your peace. Venus suggests buying noise-canceling headphones and burning sage while muttering, “I deserve silence and dairy.”

♊ Gemini Song stuck in your head: “Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen You’re torn by seventeen conflicting identities today, and it’s not helping that your internal monologue keeps singing “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.” He does, and it’s you. You’re the devil. Stop gaslighting yourself. Also, stop attempting high notes in the office bathroom. HR is listening.

♋ Cancer Song stuck in your head: “Someone Like You” – Adele You are knee-deep in nostalgia soup. Every memory that bubbles past is wearing a sweater and weeping. Unfortunately, so are you. It’s OK. The moon says: eat a carb, ghost an ex, and let Adele scream on your behalf. You are the drama.

♌ Leo Song stuck in your head: “SexyBack” – Justin Timberlake You are absolutely convinced that you are bringing it back. Nobody knows what “it” is, but you’ve committed to the bit with sunglasses and zero self-awareness. Saturn warns that your confidence will either inspire awe or get you banned from the group chat. Either way, own it. Glamorous delusion is your cardio.

♍ Virgo Song stuck in your head: “All Star” – Smash Mouth Congratulations, you are the human embodiment of a mid-2000s meme. Your attempts at productivity will be thwarted by existential angst and uncontrolable urges to quote Shrek. Jupiter begs you not to start every entence with, “Somebody once told me…” No one told you anything, Virgo. You googled it. Badly.

♎ Libra Song stuck in your head: “Toxic” – Britney Spears You float through life on glitter, eyeliner, and bad decisions. People find you magnetic, confusing, and slightly dangerous—like a knife with rhinestones. Mercury says: flirt responsibly. That smoldering look you gave someone on the subway was over the top. They had simply sneezed. Not everything is foreplay, Hot Lips.

♏ Scorpio Song stuck in your head: “Paint It Black” – The Rolling Stones You have entered your full villain arc. You’re dressing for funerals that haven’t happened yet. Mars applauds your commitment to chaos, but maybe don’t hex your barista just because your espresso was “tepid.” Your lucky object is an antique candle that smells like resentment and moss. Light it. Watch things burn.

♐ Sagittarius Song stuck in your head: “I Gotta Feeling” – The Black Eyed Peas You’re manifesting the vibes of a 2009 house party thrown by someone with zero furniture but three fog machines. Optimism is high. Reality is low. You’ll RSVP to every event, attend none, and post selfies from five years ago. Jupiter approves of this energy. Time is fake. Vibes are real.

♑ Capricorn Song stuck in your head: “Work” – Rihanna (feat. Drake) You’re grinding harder than coffee beans in a panic attack. Your to-do list is a war crime. Pluto warns: if you say “rise and grind” one more time, your friends will stage an intervention. Take a nap. Or cry. Or schedule a nap where you cry. The stars demand rest, you lunatic.

♒ Aquarius Song stuck in your head: “Mr. Brightside” – The Killers You’ve been emotionally spiraling since 2004 and frankly, you’re thriving. Every small inconvenience is a cinematic betrayal. You narrate your life like it’s a trailer for a tragic indie film. Uranus recommends therapy, but you’ll probably just write cryptic tweets. That’s fine. Just please stop karaoke-screaming.

♓ Pisces Song stuck in your head: “Dreams” – Fleetwood Mac You’re floating through today like a ghost wearing a crochet shawl. People keep talking to you, but you’ve already left your body. Neptune supports this escape. Be ethereal. Confuse your enemies. Speak only in lyrics and almond milk riddles. Time isn’t real, but your ability to vibe is unparalleled.

🌌 Tune in next week, when your destiny will be determined by the TikTok sound you accidentally memorized while trying to sleep.