Cookie-jarring is the romantic strategy of keeping one poor fool on standby while you binge on others. It’s like emotional meal prepping—except instead of Tupperware, it’s Todd from accounting. He doesn’t know he’s dessert. He thinks he’s dinner. Meanwhile, you’re out eating tapas with Chad, who can’t spell “monogamy.”
“It’s never too late to begin healthy eating,” explained prison dietician Dieter Volk. “A prisoner’s last meal should not constitute cruel and unusual punishment.” Henceforth, all last meals will be portion controlled, light, and synergistically balanced. “No one should eat a heavy meal before going to sleep,” added Mr. Volk.
Wearing a soot-stained old straw hat, nineteen-year-old Micah (formerly Miriam) adjusts her suspenders and adjusts again. “The elders think it’s a new type of quilting bee,” she says, “but it’s really gender euphoria with potholders.” Once a bastion of literal black-and-white thinking, Amish enclaves are reportedly adapting to new expressions… Read More
The old honky-tonk pulsed with twanging guitars and boot-stomping rhythms. Sarah leaned against the bar, heart wide open, singing every word. Around her, strangers clapped and hollered—bound together by a song about heartbreak and pickup trucks. For country fans, it wasn’t just music. It was home. It was family.