Angelina Jolie Taking Toll on Brad Pitt

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LOS ANGELES – Brad Pitt’s few remaining friends in show business are worried that his relationship with Angelina Jolie is taking a fearsome toll on the once boyishly handsome actor (left). They claim that Mr. Pitt, who looked forty-one going on twenty-nine when he left Jennifer Aniston two years ago, now looks every minute of his forty-three years and then some.

“Two years with Angelina must be the equivalent of five human years at least,” laughed Courteney Cox Arquette, who saw Mr. Pitt at the Golden Globes last week, their first meeting since he had ditched Jennifer Aniston for Ms. Jolie.

“I was shocked to see the crows feet and the creeping jowliness,” said Mrs. Arquette, who plays vampirish celebrity magazine editor Lucy Spiller in FX Networks Dirt. “But even more shocking was the listless expression about his eyes. He looked as if someone had sucked the life right out of him, no pun intended.”

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Voted the sexiest man alive by People magazine in 1995 and 2000, Mr. Pitt appeared to be one of those fortunate few who never age, but he’s beginning to look as if there’s a picture in his attic that’s escaped and is threatening to turn his face into a relief map of the world. Given the way Mr. Pitt allows himself to be yanked from one depressing foreign country to another by Ms. Jolie, that’s not surprising—and now she’s dragging him off to live in New Orleans, the closest thing the United States has to a depressing foreign country.

“The boy looks like he could use a good home-cooked meal and a bed of his own without three kids in it,” said Mr. Pitt’s AHB, George Clooney. “With each new Ocean’s sequel he needs more time in make up to achieve that roguishly handsome look. By the time we get to Ocean’s 16 he’ll have so much make up on he won’t be able to hold his head up.”

In other news, Canadian immigration authorities report a surge of inquiries from males living in the United States following Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will seek the presidency in the 2008 election.    

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