Book of Daze: Over Tip Somebody Day
Origin Story
Book of Daze Over Tip Somebody Day began in 2009 when a hungover philosopher in Brooklyn accidentally left his entire $782 paycheck as a tip for two coffees and a stale almond croissant at Starbucks. Instead of chasing him down, the barista taped the pay stub to the tip jar, and for one glorious week, that Starbucks was the most generous workplace in America. Customers began one-upping each other with ludicrous tips: uncashed paychecks, IKEA gift cards, even a box containing a purebred ferret named Lucius. The practice spread faster than gluten-free shame, and now, each year, on this day people are encouraged to over tip wildly, irrationally, and with performative flair.
Record Holder for Book of Daze Over Tip Somebody Day
Tech billionaire Jasper “Crypto Jesus” Kline, who once tipped an entire decommissioned oil rig to a barista for spelling his name correctly on a cup. The barista used it as a floating nightclub for six months before it was seized by the Coast Guard.
Whom to Bless on Book of Daze Over Tip Somebody Day
The IRS Agent Who Answered the Phone
This is mythic. Over tip them immediately. Then take it off your taxes.
Baristas Who Pretend to Care
They have been nodding at your small talk about oat milk and music since 2021. Pay them like a therapist who is actually helpful.
Your Uber Driver Who Did Not Talk to You
This rare saint deserves largess for respecting your existential silence–which is golden and so should be your tip.
The Pizza Delivery Guy Who Stood in the Rain
He arrived looking like a wet cat in heat. You owe him more than a twenty, Skippy. You owe him dry socks and a small cabin upstate.
The Psychic Who Told You the Bad News
Anyone willing to tell you that your aura looks like a crime scene deserves a bonus.
The Tattoo Artist Who Talked You Out of a QR Code on Your Neck
Over tip them for saving you from becoming a walking expired link.
Book of Daze Over Tip Somebody Day is not about generosity. It is about pre-paying for the crimes you will commit against humanity, your liver, and your search history. Tip like you are laundering your conscience. Tip until your descendants feel lighter, then go forth and sin creatively – you’ve already covered it.
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The preceding is satire.
Straight up, Skippy. No warranties are expressed or implied. For life advice, try a professional. For investment tips, try a dart board. For salvation, the gentleman in the robe has been handling that portfolio for 2,000 years.