Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Brad Pitt, Katie Holmes, Keith Richards Birthday Quiz

19 years philmaggitti

Brad Pitt, Katie Holmes, and Keith Richards might seem like strange birthday bedfellows at first, but as our exclusive quiz reveals, they just might have more in common than the same birthday. Then again, they might not … or perhaps most people just do not give a spit. Whatever.

  1. Both are partnered with people who have larger-than-life lips and a fondness for individuals of the same sex. “Both” are a) Katie and Brad; b) Brad and Keef; c) Katie and Keef.
  2. One has regular blood transfusions while the other has a partner who signs Kwanzaa cards in his or her own blood. The members of this pair are a) Brad and Katie; b) Katie and Keef; c) Keef and Brad.
  3. They each have one biological child and two adopted children. “They” are a) Brad and Katie; b) Keef and Katie; c) Brad and Keef.
  4. One is involved with someone who wants to save the world through religion while the other is involved with someone who wants to save the world through adoption. The members of this pair are a) Katie and Brad; b) Brad and Keef; c) Katie and Keef.
  5. They were married in hideously elaborate ceremonies, while one was married on his or her birthday to conserve brain cells. And the winners are a) Keef, Katie, Brad; b) Katie, Brad, Keef; c) Brad, Keef, Katie.

Bonus question: Also born today are director Steven Spielberg, critic Leonard Maltin, actor Ray Liotta, and singer Christina Aguilera. Their ages add up to a) 139, b) 193, c) $756 million.

The Answers: b, c, a, a, b, b.

YOUR SCORE: Give yourself five points for every odd-numbered question you answered incorrectly; four points for every even-numbered question you answered incorrectly; and twenty-five points if you got the bonus wrong too. Subtract fifteen points for every question you answered correctly, including the bonus.

WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS: The lowest score possible is minus 90; the highest is plus 48. If your score was below zero, you know more about these celebrities than a healthy person should. The farther above zero you scored, the greater your chance of having children who actually read the news instead of believing it’s TikTok.

The preceding is satire. Straight up, Skippy. No warranties are expressed or implied. For life advice, try a professional. For investment tips, try a dart board. For salvation, the gentleman in the robe has been handling that portfolio for 2,000 years.