Britney Spears Still Believes Iraq Had WMDs
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MALIBU – Count Britney Spears among the growing number of Americans who believe Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction as recently as 2003. According to a Harris Poll released July 21, half of all respondentsâup from 36 percent last yearâsaid they believed Mr. Hussein had WMDs when President Bush ordered the invasion of Iraq in March 2003.
“We had to invade Iraq to eliminate them weapons of mass destruction,” said Ms. Spears as she fed her son, Sean Preston, some of her Banana Coconut Frappuccino Blended Coffee at a Starbucks in Malibu. “Saddam was fixing to sell them weapons to terrorists.”
A source close to Ms. Spears claimed she has taken “a genuine interest” in current affairs here lately, hoping to shed the ditzy blond stereotype that has dogged her the last few years.
“She watches Fox News like all the time,” said the source, “and the other day she seen a headline on there that said, ‘Are Saddam Hussein’s WMDs Now in Hezbollah’s Hands?’
“When Brit seen that headline, she started jumping up and down so much she almost dumped Sean Preston on his head again. She said that headline proved what she had heard about this Iraqi general’s book that told how Saddam had snuck his weapons of mass destruction into Syriana.”
Although a sixteen-month, $900-million investigation by U.S. weapons hunters known as the Iraq Survey Group found that Iraq had dismantled its chemical, biological, and nuclear arms programs in 1991 under U.N. oversight, more and more Americans, like Ms. Spears, believe that Iraq still possessed WMDs when the current war began.
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Public opinion experts point to a number of reasons for this phenomenon: the din coming from conservative talk radio, daily Web screeds from diehard, right-wing bloggers, misleading statements from the Bush administration, and a growing need to justify the boondoggle that Iraq has become.
What’s more, Ms. Spears, like many others who believe in WMDs, evinces a childlike acceptance of the statements of public figures. Not surprisingly, then, Ms. Spears believed President Bush when he told this year’s class of West Point graduates: “When the United Nations Security Council gave [Saddam] one final chance to disclose and disarm, or face serious consequences, he refused to take that final opportunity.”
In reality, after a four-year interval of non-cooperation, Iraq had allowed scores of experts to conduct more than seven hundred inspections of potential weapons sites from November 27, 2002, to March 16, 2003. The inspectors said they would have been able to conclude their work within months, but the U.S. invasion sent them running for cover.
Such arguments are lost on Ms. Spears and half her fellow Americans, however.
“Who am I going to believe,” she asked, “my own president or the corrupt United Nations?”
In related news, Britney Spears told reporters she is also “proud” to be counted among the 68 per cent of Americans who believe in angels, a figure that rises to nearly 80 percent among the less educated, according to a 2005 Harris poll.
If the public pratfalls of Hollywoodâs overpaid, virtue-signaling drama llamas make your day as they make ours, check out these Celebrity Shockers â where meltdowns, mugshots, and micro-bikinis collide.
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