Horoscopes Archives - Page 5 of 28 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

When the cosmos offers you a theatrical limp and a strategically placed bandage, do not question the aesthetic of your own fragility.

Horoscopes

Candid Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Today we present candid horoscopes. The usual cosmic claptrap has been replaced with the kind of blunt disclosure normally reserved for tax attorneys and ex‑spouses.… Read More

A woman surrounded by dozens of storage bins and totes in assorted colors and sizes bends to retrieve a lid, navigating a floor covered in open containers filled with tools, documents, CDs, and miscellaneous items — confronting the to be or not to be of household organization one bin at a time.

To be organized, or not to be organized — and the answer, apparently, is: more bins.

Horoscopes

To Be or Not to Be: Horoscopes by Shakespeare

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

To be or not to be is the question Shakespeare put to the universe in 1600, and the universe has been dodging it ever since.… Read More

Illustrated detective cork board for the Cold Case Unit featuring zodiac symbols, pinned photographs, scattered evidence notes, and intersecting red string connections surrounding a central missing file, evoking a humorous cosmic investigation atmosphere.

Forecasts missing. Detectives dispatched. Red string deployed with quiet confidence.

Horoscopes

Irregular Horoscopes: Zodiac Cold Case Unit

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 8 months

Between the stars and the home furnishing advertisements, twelve horoscopes went missing. They were last seen loitering near a constellation that has since lawyered up.… Read More

A painting in the style of Andrew Wyeth featuring a garden variety salad of fresh greens and vegetables mixed with carved zodiac symbols in a large wooden bowl on a rustic kitchen table.

Who wants to live as a garden variety salad vegetable for the rest of one’s life.

Horoscopes

Your Zodiac Garden Variety Salad Predictions

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 8 months

Although celestial bodies are like gigantic, garden variety vegetables floating in the dark broth of the universe, astrologers insist on linking our fates to lions,… Read More

A medical professional confronts the limits of science, astrology, and personal resilience.

Horoscopes

Today’s Fake Medical Horoscopes and Symptoms Check

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 9 months

Today’s Fake Medical Horoscopes cheerfully remind you that no insurance is accepted, no advice is guaranteed, and your hopes will never go up. Life is… Read More

Tested. Reviewed. Abandoned.

Horoscopes

🎬 Daily Television Horoscopes: Pilot Season Casualties

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

According to sometimes reliable industry sources, every life is now part of a long-running experiment in television horoscopes, with each personality pitched as a series… Read More

When your career advice is literally coming from a birdbrain.

Horoscopes

🔮 Madam Hilda’s Most Reliable Horoscopes 🪐

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Welcome to the most reliable horoscopes on the internet. Madam Hilda’s predictions are guaranteed to land no more than one standard deviation on either side… Read More

Indigenous riders in traditional regalia cross a desert at sunset, proclaiming sovereignty over stolen land with flags, feathers, and a dramatic mesa backdrop.

The stars filed a complaint, and the land agreed.

Horoscopes

The Stolen Land Zodiac Wants Its Forecasts Back

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

The Stolen Land Zodiac is back to reclaim its forecasts. It is not impressed with what you have constructed in its absence. Sacred prophecies have… Read More