Horoscopes Archives - Page 6 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

Surreal illustration for Pugbus.org featuring a bewildered pug wearing a wizard hat, sitting atop a cosmic yellow school bus covered in zodiac signs. A massive, floating human hand (the non-dominant hand of the cosmos) holds a quill, awkwardly scratching nonsensical horoscopes onto a scroll. In the foreground, a small gray alien and a winged radish creature stand among dozens of scattered antique keys.

When the universe puts in minimal effort, you get maximum confusion. Just like we intended.

Horoscopes

🪐 Non-Dominant Hand Horoscopes 🌙

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

â™ˆ Aries (March 21 – April 19)Aries, a sentient turnip will send you an important, yet untraceable, email regarding the optimal temperature for artisanal ice… Read More

Surreal mirrored twin figures stirring floating zodiac symbols against a pale background, suggesting horoscope mischief.

Gemini denied everything, which only proved they did it.

Horoscopes

Gemini Commits Horoscope Mischief

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Today at 3:33 a.m. Eastern, Mercury (Gemini’s ruling planet) turned a cartwheel through the 9th House of Meaning, landing squarely on Jupiter’s monocle and committing… Read More

A colorful surreal illustration for horoscope puzzles featuring a floating 3D maze surrounded by bright geometric shapes in red, blue, green, yellow, and orange on a pale background.

The stars outsourced your destiny to a cosmic puzzle department and this is what you get.

Horoscopes

Horoscope Puzzles: Satirical Forecasts You Must Solve Yourself

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

The stars have grown tired of making up stuff. They called in sick and left this lesson plan for today. In horoscope puzzles, each sign… Read More

A single-panel, office humor cartoon. The image features a man sitting at a standard office desk. He has grown multiple extra arms, appearing to have six in total, which are all simultaneously operating three different laptops and answering three different ringing phones. He has a stressed expression and is surrounded by piles of paper and documents, visually depicting the office humor concept of being assigned to three impossible projects simultaneously with competing deadlines.

"I asked for a promotion, and they gave me... more arms."

Horoscopes

Corporate Horoscopes: Office Humor

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Presenting your Corporate Horoscopes: Office Humor, revered and reviled transmissions from the cosmos regarding your slow descent into fluorescent-lit madness. Spoiler: the stars do not… Read More

Legacy horoscopes: because vague cosmic geometry is still more reliable than your aunt’s Facebook astrology memes.

Horoscopes

Legacy Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

A breathless homage to thosetrite-but-true horoscopes that have been around forever and that tell younothing bur still sound vaguelybelievable. â™ˆ Aries … Today is not… Read More

Your sign is a mess and the stars have receipts.

Horoscopes

The Horoscope Wheel of Cosmic Chaos

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

â™ˆ Aries: You have been charging forward with the confidence of someone who has never once read the terms and conditions, and honestly, the universe… Read More

Something's rotten in the cosmos.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes Based on William Shakespeare’s Works

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

In the grand theatre of the cosmos, each sign steps forth as both actor and audience, draped in William Shakespeare’s Works and the symbols of… Read More

Astrology: Finally as confused as you are

Horoscopes

🔮 Your Very Unreliable Astrological Almanac 🤣

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your ruling planet, Mars, has declared a personal emergency, leading it to hide your car keys inside a very… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.