Horoscopes Archives - Page 6 of 28 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

Don Quixote charging at windmills, symbolizing classic literature and misguided adventure in action.

Tilting at windmills. Reality remains undefeated.

Horoscopes

Daily Irregular Horoscopes: Classic Literature Edition

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 9 months

Before revealing today’s irregular predictions, a gentle warning: these horoscopes are based on characters that appear in classic literature, not on vibes, entrails, crystals, or… Read More

The cards predict solitude. Again.

Horoscopes

Your Daily Solitaire Horoscopes

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 9 months

Solitaire horoscopes are for people whose ideal group activity is shuffling quietly and pretending it counts as socialization. Each sign receives guidance that assumes isolation… Read More

Illustration for Waste Management Report featuring an angry looking fish'

Zip it.

Horoscopes

The Pug Bus Cosmic Alignment and Waste Management Report

philmaggitti horoscopes 10 months

The stars are currently vibrating at a frequency that can only be described as a microwave oven attempting to compose a symphony. It is a… Read More

A vibrant, psychedelic illustration of a rainbow-scaled fish playing an electric guitar while simultaneously operating a vintage vacuum cleaner. The scene is set in a cosmic vortex of spinning gold records, floating kale leaves, and glowing zodiac symbols, featuring the misspelled header Phish Song Meanings in Hororopes in bubble letters.

Witness the majesty of a rainbow trout attempting to play a second-set jam while vacuuming a nebula of kale.

Horoscopes

Phish Song Meanings in Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 10 months

Seekers of cosmic truth and frequenters of the general admission line: today, the celestial bodies have aligned in the shape of a giant, glow-in-the-dark, rainbow-colored… Read More

Victorian water closet on a pale background with a glow inside the bowl.

Your horoscope is nothing to get bowled over about.

Horoscopes

Your Horoscope Is in the Water Closet

philmaggitti horoscopes 10 months

Welcome to the Water Closet, the most sacred chamber in the celestial plumbing system. This is where the stars gather to flush old grudges, unclog… Read More

Surreal illustration of anthropomorphic stars micro-dosing tiny glowing droplets against a pale background, depicting questionable horoscopes and cosmic confusion.

The stars took very little and still managed to overthink everything.

Horoscopes

Questionable Horoscopes from Micro-Dosed Stars

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 10 months

“Micro-dosing” has become a cultural self-help technique in recent years. Enthusiasts describe it as consuming a fractional amount of a psychedelic substance so that the… Read More

A shattered, ornate mirror drifting through a judgmental galaxy of orange and blue gas, capturing a cosmic reckoning of human failure. The cracked reflection shows a person hunched over a phone while sitting on a massive pile of laundry, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and expensive candles. In the surrounding void, neon signs label the scene as "Your Cosmic Trash Pile" and "Sabotage Map," while angry floating emojis look on in disgust.

Local human experiences a total cosmic reckoning and decides the best way to handle it is by taking a picture of their own laundry pile instead of actually doing it.

Horoscopes

Unfiltered Pug Bus Cosmic Reckoning

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 10 months

The sun is currently screaming through the sky, and quite frankly, it is embarrassed to be illuminating your specific life choices today in this cosmic… Read More

A red zodiac wheel with twelve astrological symbols arranged in a circle on a light background, A minimalist illustration used for satirical horoscopes.

The stars are confident. You should be concerned.

Horoscopes

Your Satirical Horoscopes: Guidance for People Who Should Know Better

T.J. Eckleburg horoscopes 10 months

Aries You will mistake momentum for wisdom, and volume for leadership. This will not stop you from charging forward like someone who has never been… Read More