Horoscopes Archives - Page 7 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

Starry, starry night.

Horoscopes

Funny Horoscopes (The Ones Nobody Asked For)

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Aries (March 21 – April 19) The stars suggest you will start three new projects today and finish none of them. Mercury is in retrograde,… Read More

A whimsical zodiac illustration featuring planets, star signs, and colorful mushrooms arranged on a light background, symbolizing a playful cosmic take on a Magic Mushroom Micro-dose theme, purely fictional and artistic.

Keep 'em in the dard and feed 'em ...

Horoscopes

Horoscopes on a Magic Mushroom Micro-Dose

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

The practice known as “micro-dosing” has become a cultural talking point in recent years. Enthusiasts describe it as the art of consuming such a small… Read More

Twelve Signs of the Zodiac Meltdown illustration featuring an ornate clock circled by tiny zodiac signs.

Hickory, dickory,, dock.

Horoscopes

🔮Twelve Signs of the Zodiac Meltdown

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Aries — Your ruling planet is caffeine. Your current mood is “burn it all down and start a podcast.” Someone will call you impulsive today.… Read More

The cloud never forgets, and it does gossip

Horoscopes

Horoscopes Written by Your Browser History

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Your horoscope for today is not determined byconstellations, tarot cards, or decoding entrails. All forecasts will be derived from interpretations of your browser history, which… Read More

Proof that astrology still works without Wi-Fi, deodorant, or common sense.

Horoscopes

Your Off the Grid Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

Here come your Off The Grid Horoscopes, powered by solar lanterns, fermented rainwater tea, and a suspiciously friendly ground hog named Randall. The stars claim… Read More

“We never go out of style.”

Horoscopes

Tay-Tay Sings the Zodiac: Your Official Taylor Swift Horoscopes Guide

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

The cosmos has handed the entire zodiac playlist to Taylor Swift as if the universe has decided that fate should be delivered by a woman… Read More

Illustration of zodiac figures huddled in anxious poses against a pale background, each reacting to the cosmic ordeals of preparation day with worried, defensive expressions.

When the stars realize preparation day is not optional.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes for Preparation Day

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

The stars have gathered in a defensive crouch. They whisper that Preparation Day arrives like a government audit crossed with an existential exit interview. You… Read More

A bold yellow sign with black uppercase text reading “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS,” centered on a patterned background. The sign

"The stars have dropped the mic."

Horoscopes

Annual Horoscope Going Out of Business Sale

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

The stars have dropped the mic. The planets have gathered up their swag. The cosmic curtain is closing. This is the final act: The Annual… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.