Horoscopes Archives - Page 8 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

Over the Legal Speed Limit surreal bar scene showing celestial bodies—Sun, Moon, and planets sitting at a bar under a pale yellow background, holding drinks in a humorous, satirical setting.”

"I'll have what he's having."

Horoscopes

Horoscopes That Are Over the Legal Speed Limit

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Aries … Your confidence is intoxicating, but so is your blood alcohol level. Do not text your boss or your ex tonight, especially if they… Read More

A retro-style robot with a single glowing cyan eye holds a yellow star in its hand, standing beneath the bold yellow headline “AI-generated Horoscopes Are the New Astrology” on a dark purple star-speckled background. A shooting star arcs across the top right corner.

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

Horoscopes

AI-generated Horoscopes Are the New Astrology

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

AI-generated horoscopes are algorithmic prophecies that claim to know your emotional state based on the moon’s proximity to your Wi-Fi router. Unlike analog horoscopes, which… Read More

“Cosmic high-school hallway with glowing lockers and zodiac constellations gossiping on rotary phones, symbolizing the Horoscope Hotline.”

“Your old nickname just leaked to the cosmos, and the line is still hot.”

Horoscopes

Horoscope Hotline: What Is Your Sign’s Embarrassing Nickname

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Step right up, pilgrim to the horoscope hotline. The stars have dusted off your high-school yearbook, drawn their six-shooters, and are about to fire your… Read More

A circular zodiac wheel featuring twelve minimalist emojis, each representing a zodiac sign, arranged symmetrically on a white background. The image is wordless and visually balanced, designed to evoke cosmic harmony and financial clarity. This visual ritual is intended to boost your credit score through symbolic alignment.

Twelve emojis form a wheel, summon a goat, and accidentally boost your credit score.

Horoscopes

Today’s Horoscopes Will Boost Your Credit Score

philmaggitti horoscopes, trump 7 months

â™ˆ Aries … You are the algorithm’s favorite son or daughter today. Swipe boldly and with gusto, but verify at least twice. A forgotten subscription… Read More

Twelve signs, one void. The meaning of life called—left no message.

Horoscopes

Today’s Horoscopes and the Meaning of Life

philmaggitti horoscopes, trump 7 months

Welcome to today’s cosmic editorial, where the stars pretend to care and we pretend to believe them. Jupiter is drunk, Mercury is ghosting everyone, and… Read More

Surreal zodiac meltdown illustration showing twelve astrological symbols arranged around a cracked clock face on a light parchment background, evoking cosmic instability and celestial chaos.

The stars assure you everything is fine It's not.

Horoscopes

🔮Twelve Signs of the Zodiac Meltdown

philmaggitti horoscopes, trump 7 months

Aries — Your ruling planet is caffeine. Your current mood is “burn it all down and start a podcast.” Someone will call you impulsive today.… Read More

Surreal illustration of the twelve zodiac signs personified as colorful characters in a cosmic record-store-style setting, symbolizing astrology meeting pop culture as each sign prepares to face the music.

The stars drop their latest album—twelve tracks of denial, delusion, and danceable regret.

Horoscopes Music

Horoscopes Face the Music

philmaggitti horoscopes, music, trump 7 months

The stars have been humming to themselves again, and the result is not so much symphony as karaoke night at the edge of the universe.… Read More

Abstract zodiac chaos in cosmic space—do it yourself symbols collide, mutate, and orbit without rules, labels, or celestial permission.

Do it yourself zodiac chaos.

Horoscopes

Do It Yourself Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes, trump 7 months

ðŸ› ï¸ Welcome to Do It Yourself Horoscopes. The stars are tired, the algorithms are on strike, and apparently everyone is now a certified expert in… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.