Horoscopes Archives - Page 8 of 28 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

Stop chasing your tail. Your horoscope is just as useless as the rest.

Horoscopes

🐕 Dog Horoscopes: The View from the Kennel

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Having exhausted the meager predictive capabilities of birds, we descend today to the slobbery realm of canines. They provide a forecast just as scornful of… Read More

A highly detailed, satirical illustration in the style of a vintage zodiac chart, framed in ornate blue and gold border. The title, "Bird-Brained Horoscopes: Predictions from Your Fine Feathered Friends," is at the top.

Finally, a horoscope that tells you exactly how disappointing you are.

Horoscopes

Bird-Brained Horoscopes: Predictions from Your Fine Feathered Friends

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Finally, a horoscope that tells you exactly how disappointing you are. A forecast that’s utterly useless yet dressed in the flimsy pretense of cosmic wisdom—a… Read More

Angry sun face glaring against a pale sky, symbolizing the chaos and taboo behind the seven words you can’t say in a horoscope.

Read carefully. The stars are done being polite.

Horoscopes

Seven Words You Can’t Say in a Horoscope

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Astrology is governed by many rules. Most are imaginary. Some are unwritten … by people who own blazers and say things like brand safety without… Read More

Zodiac movie reviews illustration, surrealistic image of a blue humanoid surrounded by several people in strange poses.

The movie of your life is a flop.

Horoscopes

🍿Zodiac Movie Reviews: Projections of Your Pathetic Life

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Welcome to the Zodiac Movie Reviews, where we discard all pretense of critical neutrality and tell you exactly how the latest cinematic releases reflect your… Read More

If this is my destiny, I need a refund.

Horoscopes

Your Streaming Daily Horoscopes: When Algorithms Revolt

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

👽 Welcome, seeker, to Your Streaming Daily Horoscopes, located at the intersection of the celestial and the profoundly inconvenient. This is not the astrology of… Read More

Twelve surreal black zodiac icons on beige background, each symbolizing satirical zodiac predictions with dreamlike imagery.

Satirical zodiac predictions: twelve signs, twelve absurdities. Interpret at your own risk.

Horoscopes

🌑 Irregular Horoscopes: Satirical Zodiac Predictions

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Satirical zodiac predictions: twelve signs, twelve absurdities. Interpret at your own risk. Aries … The moon is hiding inside a vending machine. You will purchase… Read More

Surreal illustration for Pugbus.org featuring a bewildered pug wearing a wizard hat, sitting atop a cosmic yellow school bus covered in zodiac signs. A massive, floating human hand (the non-dominant hand of the cosmos) holds a quill, awkwardly scratching nonsensical horoscopes onto a scroll. In the foreground, a small gray alien and a winged radish creature stand among dozens of scattered antique keys.

When the universe puts in minimal effort, you get maximum confusion. Just like we intended.

Horoscopes

🪐 Non-Dominant Hand Horoscopes 🌙

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

â™ˆ Aries (March 21 – April 19)Aries, a sentient turnip will send you an important, yet untraceable, email regarding the optimal temperature for artisanal ice… Read More

Surreal mirrored twin figures stirring floating zodiac symbols against a pale background, suggesting horoscope mischief.

Gemini denied everything, which only proved they did it.

Horoscopes

Gemini Commits Horoscope Mischief

philmaggitti horoscopes 11 months

Today at 3:33 a.m. Eastern, Mercury (Gemini’s ruling planet) turned a cartwheel through the 9th House of Meaning, landing squarely on Jupiter’s monocle and committing… Read More