News Archives - Page 22 of 31 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sporting event or concert?

Dennis Larkin, 61, retired municipal scoreboard electrician

Allegedly keeping score at 27 Overtime Circle, Akron, OH

Sporting event. At a concert, if the band is terrible, everyone politely pretends otherwise. At a ballgame, 30,000 people will immediately inform a complete stranger that he has failed at his profession. There is an honesty to that.

Carla Jennings, 48, freelance wedding playlist negotiator

Allegedly listening from 114 Encore Avenue, Tucson, AZ

Concert. Nobody has ever asked me to study league standings before enjoying a guitar solo. I arrive, somebody plays music, I applaud, and eventually everyone goes home. Civilization should strive for more transactions this simple.

Harold Fenwick, 72, former bowling alley shoe inventory supervisor

Allegedly choosing seats at 6 Upper Deck Drive, Scranton, PA

Sporting event. I like knowing there will be a winner, a loser, and several thousand people convinced the officials are personally conspiring against them. Concerts rarely offer that kind of emotional structure unless the parking lot is badly managed.

News

Petraeus Says Surge Is Working, Britney Spears Needs More Time

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – General David Petraeus told Congress yesterday that President Bush’s surge in Iraq is working, but Operation Britney Spears will need more time… Read More

News

Madeleine McCann’s Mother Advances to Suspect Round in Quiz Show

Chip Hilton 19 years

PORTIMAO, Portugal – Madeline McCann’s mother, Kate, has advanced to the suspect round in this season’s smash Portuguese television show Did You Kill Your Daughter?. Mrs.… Read More

"If you build it, you can sell it on Etsy."

News

Local Man Arrested for Stealing His Own Identity

philmaggitti 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Li Ming, a graduate assistant in computer science at West Chester University, was arrested and charged with identity theft yesterday after… Read More

News

Jerry Lewis Apologizes to Illiterates Everywhere

Chip Hilton 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Former comedian Jerry Lewis apologized yesterday “to illiterates everywhere” for a remark he made during the 207th hour of his annual Labor… Read More

News

Larry Craig Hires Michael Vick’s Lawyer to Beat Cockfighting Charges

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

BOISE, Idaho – Embattled Senator Larry Craig (R-Teahouse) has retained Michael Vick’s attorney Billy Martin to represent him in a fight to clear his name… Read More

News

Larry Craig Wants Toilet Cams in Airport Restrooms

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

BOISE, Idaho – Embattled Senator Larry Craig says he plans to introduce legislation in Congress that will mandate the placement of toilet cams in all… Read More

Close-up of tearful person with short hair

News

U.S. Blames British Soldiers’ Deaths on Cell Phone Use

philmaggitti 19 years

KAJAKI, Afghanistan – A United States military commander in Afghanistan said yesterday that three British soldiers killed by “a friendly airstrike” on Thursday would still… Read More

A wistful woman in a soft gray dress sits by a window, gazing tenderly at a mop she’s holding as if it’s a confidant, embodying the surreal melancholy of Cosmic Whiplash Horoscopes.

"How do you expect me to move on when you’re the only one who truly absorbs me?"

News

Rudy Giuliani Tops Wikipedia Self-Serving Edits

philmaggitti Britney Spears 19 years

NEW YORK – Computers at the campaign headquarters of Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani were used to make fifteen changes to Mr. Giuliani’s Wikipedia page last week,… Read More