Politics Archives - Page 2 of 6 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Politics

Hillary Clinton Vows to Court Biracial Vote in New Hampshire

philmaggitti 18 years

CORNISH, NH—Hillary Clinton told customers at a local diner this morning that she regrets not being “more aggressive” in courting the biracial vote during the… Read More

Politics

Hillary Clinton Launches Cosmetics Line in Effort to Save Campaign

philmaggitti 18 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hillary Clinton has elected to move up the debut of her cosmetics line in hopes of gaining separation from presidential rivals Barack… Read More

Politics

President Bush Will Pardon Thanksgiving Tofurky

philmaggitti 18 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush will pardon the National Thanksgiving Tofurky in a ceremony to be televised tomorrow from the White House lawn.… Read More

News Politics

Al Gore Demands Nobel Prize Recount

philmaggitti 19 years

SAN FRANCISCO – Al Gore told reporters in San Francisco yesterday that he will demand a recount in order to break the tie in this… Read More

Politics

President Bush Unpopular Even Among Illegal Immigrants

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

LOS ANGELES – The immigration debate, which has divided the Republican party, has divided illegal immigrants, too, with a slight majority of them believing President… Read More

News Politics

Sopranos Ending Debated by Republican Presidential Candidates

philmaggitti 19 years

QUEENS, N.Y. – The ending of “Made in America,” the final episode of The Sopranos, was the sole topic of discussion last night at a debate… Read More

Politics

President Bush Taps Jessica Simpson for Educational Position

philmaggitti 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – When President Bush returns to Washington early this week, he is expected to name Jessica Simpson as the face of his newest… Read More

Politics

President Bush Hails Killing of One-Legged Taliban Leader

philmaggitti 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush hailed the killing of the Taliban’s top one-legged military strategist, Mullah Dadullah, as a “sure sign” the United… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.