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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Politics

Hillary Clinton to Explain Why She’s on DC Madam’s List

philmaggitti 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton has scheduled a press conference for tomorrow morning at which she is expected to explain why her… Read More

News Politics

Immigration Rallies Marred by Disappointing Flag Sales

philmaggitti 19 years

DENVER – Immigration rallies held across the United States yesterday failed to attract the large crowds that marked last year’s events or to generate the… Read More

Politics

Al Gore Says Breast Feeding Deters Global Warming

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

NEW YORK – Former vice president Al Gore believes breast feeding can play a significant role in deterring the rise of global warming. Speaking yesterday… Read More

Politics

Governor Jon Corzine Crash Site Memorial Grows

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

GALLOWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. – When New Jersey governor Jon Corzine was bouncing around inside his official SUV about six o’clock last Thursday night, like a… Read More

Politics

Don Imus Pardoned by President Bush

philmaggitti 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Former MSNBC personality Don Imus was pardoned by President Bush yesterday in a surprising exercise of executive privilege. The timing of the… Read More

Politics

Hillary Clinton Benefits from Selfless Vilsack Move

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

DES MOINES, Iowa – Hillary Clinton will reap the benefit of “a selfless political decision” by her one time presidential rival, former two-term Iowa governor… Read More

Politics

John Edwards in Danger of Losing Sympathy Vote

philmaggitti 19 years

NEW YORK – John Edwards may have squandered the sympathy vote already with his remarks during a 60 Minutes interview with Katie Couric, which was taped Saturday… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Politics

Angelina Jolie Tapped by George Bush to Replace John Bolton

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A beleaguered and increasingly irrelevant George W. Bush has tapped Angelina Jolie to replace John Bolton as the United States Ambassador to… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.