Politics Archives - Page 4 of 6 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Politics

October Surprise: President Bush Redesigns Monetary System

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush told an audience at a fundraiser here last night that he plans to redesign the United States monetary system,… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Politics

Britney Spears Fires Publicist; President Bush Fires Bob Woodward

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

MALIBU and WASHINGTON, D.C. – Determined to take control of their images, Britney Spears and President George W. Bush have fired two of their most… Read More

Politics

President Bush Says Troop Callup Not Backdoor Draft

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that his plans to call up selected units of the Salvation Army in order to… Read More

Politics

Bush Declares Victory Over Saddam Hussein’s Hunger Strike

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a visit to church yesterday, President Bush declared victory over Saddam Hussein’s seventeen-day hunger strike. The determined-looking president said that Mr.… Read More

Politics

Guantanamo Ruling on bin Laden’s Driver a Blow to Bush

philmaggitti Lindsay Lohan 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Salim Ahmed Hamdan, the short and slight Yemeni who was once Osama bin Laden’s… Read More

Politics

President Bush Wants Ban on Same-Sex Cruises

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush told his weekly radio broadcast audience Saturday that he believes the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex-only… Read More

Culture Politics

President Bush Lays Wreath to Honor Fashion’s Fallen Heroes

Chip Hilton 20 years

MIAMI – President George W. Bush paid a surprise visit to slain fashion designer Giovanni Versace’s house in Miami last night. Mr. Bush arrived shortly… Read More

Politics

President Bush Issues Memorial Day Cell Phone Virus Alert

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Bush has warned Americans that the Memorial Day cell phone virus, the most virulent in-the-wild mobile phone virus yet discovered in… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.