Sporting Life Archives - Page 10 of 11 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Book, TV Special, Calendar, Video Game Canceled

philmaggitti 19 years

In a development that surprised absolutely nobody, every single O.J. Simpson–related media project scheduled for release this week—the book, the TV special, the calendar, and… Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Says Cancellation Was Prompted by Racism

philmaggitti 19 years

ORLANDO, Fla. – O.J. Simpson reacted angrily yesterday when he learned that News Corporation had decided not to broadcast two, one-hour interviews with him or… Read More

Sporting Life

Mark Wahlberg Unconvincing as Vince Papale

philmaggitti 20 years

PHILADELPHIA – The only time Invincible captures Vince Papale is when the credits start to roll and clips of the real Vince, with his dark, shaggy hair,… Read More

Sporting Life

Wie Woeful but Still Confident in John Deere

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

SILVIS, Ill. – Once again Michelle Wie failed in her quest to become the first woman golfer since 1945 to use the men’s shower facilities… Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Tied for Lead at U.S. Women’s Open

philmaggitti 20 years

NEWPORT, R.I. – Michelle Wie is tied for the lead after the first day of the U.S. Women’s Open at the historic Newport Country Club.… Read More

Sporting Life

JJ Redick, Ben Roethlisberger Did It to Impress Paris Hilton

Biff Scuzzy Paris Hilton 20 years

DURHAM, N.C. – Sports fans have been wrestling with a pair of troublesome questions this week: Why would former Duke basketball star JJ Redick get… Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Contemplates Retiring from Golf

philmaggitti 20 years

SUMMIT, N.J. – Michelle Wie has nothing left to prove on the golf course, and she may retire soon to pursue other career opportunities in… Read More

Sporting Life

Barbaro E-mail Addresses Bombarded with Spam

philmaggitti 20 years

KENNET SQUARE, Penna. – Two e-mail addresses created to allow racing fans to send get well messages to Barbaro may have to be shut down.… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.