Sporting Life Archives - Page 9 of 11 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Sporting Life

Michael Vick’s Dog House Program Busts Britney Spears

philmaggitti Britney Spears, dog, sporting life 19 years

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – Michael Vick’s Dog House, a one-minute segment of social commentary, debuted on radio station WCUR in Newport News, Virginia, during morning… Read More

Sporting Life

Michael Vick Puppy Soccer Game Pulled by Madden

Biff Scuzzy football 19 years

NEW YORK – Michael Vick’s Ultimate Puppy Soccer (UPS), a high-concept video game that had been scheduled for a September release, has been pulled by… Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Enters Rehab

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, rehab 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Michelle Wie checked into a Promises residential treatment center early Sunday afternoon to seek help in battling what she called “like, a… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Sporting Life

Lindsay Lohan Falls in NFL Draft

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 19 years

NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry… Read More

Sporting Life

Ohio State’s Greg Oden Out of NCAA Title Game

philmaggitti 19 years

ATLANTA – Ohio State freshman center Greg Oden has been declared ineligible for tonight’s NCAA championship game with the University of Florida. NCAA officials, acting… Read More

Sporting Life

LSU’s Pokey Chatman Remembered as Hands-on Coach

philmaggitti 19 years

BATON ROUGE, La. – Recently resigned LSU women’s basketball coach Dana “Pokey” Chatman, 37, will be remembered as a hands-on coach, said a trio of… Read More

Sporting Life

Barbaro, Exhausted by Clichés, Gives Up the Good Fight

philmaggitti 19 years

UNIONVILLE, PA–Barbaro had the heart of a champion, an iron-clad will, and a look in his eye that told the world he knew just how… Read More

Sporting Life

Duke Offers Alleged Rape Victim’s Baby Legacy Status

philmaggitti 19 years

DURHAM, N.C. – Duke University has reached out to a twenty-eight-year-old student-stripper known as Precious, who claims she was verbally abused while being raped and… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.