Sporting Life Archives - Page 8 of 11 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Culture Sporting Life

Brad Pitt to Star in Barbaro the Musical

philmaggitti 19 years

KENNETT SQUARE, Penna. – Brad Pitt, fresh off his triumph in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, is set to star in… Read More

Sporting Life

Donovan McNabb Says Black Dogfighters Are More Criticized

philmaggitti dog, sporting life 19 years

PHILADELPHIA – Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb has gone deep again. His target this time is the perceived inequality in the treatment of white and black… Read More

Sporting Life

Donovan McNabb Says O.J. Simpson Was Framed

philmaggitti 19 years

PHILADELPHIA – Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb believes O.J. Simpson was framed for kidnapping, armed robbery, and hooliganism because he is “too black for the… Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Claims Stealing from Yourself Isn’t Wrong

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

LAS VEGAS – O.J. Simpson is confident he did nothing wrong when he barged into a casino hotel room with a small posse to repossess… Read More

Sporting Life

Michel Martin Is Today’s Michael Vick Tool

Chip Hilton 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Today’s dumb-ass Michael Vick sympathizer is Michel Martin, hostess of Tell Me More, a one-hour daily NPR news talk show. Ms. Martin,… Read More

Sporting Life

NRA President Attacks NAACP’s Michael Vick Tool

philmaggitti 19 years

FAIRFAX, Vir. – NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, assailed R.L. White, HMFIC and president of the NAACP’s Atlanta chapter, for suggesting that deer hunting is “just… Read More

Sporting Life

Rush Limbaugh Says Donovan McNabb Coddled by Philly Press

philmaggitti 19 years

NEW YORK – According to Rush Limbaugh, Donovan McNabb is being protected by the Philadelphia press, which has orchestrated “a shameful and concerted news blackout”… Read More

Sporting Life

Michael Vick Severs Ties with PRCA and Skoal

philmaggitti 19 years

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – A lawyer for suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback, Michael Vick, announced today that Mr. Vick was severing his ties with the Professional… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.