Bowl Games Parade Grand Marshals Alternate Suggestions
As football bowl season approaches, our nation braces for its annual descent into sequined delirium and bowl games parade grand marshals madness. Before prop bets… Read More
football
The NFLâs halftime optics reach Kafkaesque levels as riot agents chase holograms across a stadium of chanting fans.
Bad Bunny Super Bowl Protest, Yeah!
I am boycotting Super Bowl XXX next year in favor of, hell, just about anything on the 2,786 other channels at my disposal. It isn’t… Read More
đ College Football Horoscopes: August 29
(Let’s lace up the cleats and consult the starsâbecause this season, your fate is wearing shoulder pads and a headset.) ♈ Aries (March 21âApril 19)… Read More
Exclusive Interview with Joe Paternoâs Statue
(Conducted by The Pug Bus, America’s Premier Source for News That Shouldn’t Be True) We are in a decommissioned airplane hangar in the mountains outside… Read More
Dab Rig Manufacturer Issues Refunds for Kaepernick Model
Rigs-R-Us, the nation’s leading manufacturer of “smoking enhancement technology for the socially conscious,” offered refunds today to any customers who bought a Colin Kaepernick Puffco… Read More
God Drops Carson Wentz from Fantasy Team        Â
WILMINGTON, De.âThe Lord God Almighty is more than a little miffed by Carson Wentz’ three-pick performance in the Eagles 48-7 loss to the New Orleans… Read More
BLM Threatens to Disrupt Giants-Lions Game This Sunday
Black Lives Matter (BLM) has demanded that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning apologize to Dallas Cowboys black quarterback Dak Prescott for âdisrespecting the brotherâ… Read More
NFL to Install 200 Gender-Appropriate Bathrooms for Super Bowl LI
HOUSTONâThe National Football League promises that Super Bowl LI, scheduled to be played in Houston on February 5, 2017, will be âthe most all-inclusive, welcoming,… Read More