Sunday, December 10, 2023

CFA Says Tiger Is Most Popular Cat Password

Why are people so unimaginative?

ALLIANCE, OH—According to The Cat Fanciers’ Association (CFA), the world’s largest registry of pedigreed cats, the cat name used most frequently as a computer password among its members is Tiger. People who believe that registering and showing cats is even more futile that herding them predict that such members may have litter in their caprese.

More than five hundred CFA members who use their cats’ names as passwords responded to CFA’s First Annual Cat Password survey, which was sponsored by Kitty Kondoms™, the world’s first prophylactic for cats. CFA is the exclusive distributor of Kitty Kondoms™ in “the tri-state Ohio area.”

CFA decided to launch its survey despite the fact that computer safety experts call it “a dumb-ass idea” to use your cat’s name as a password, especially when your cat’s name is something as pedestrian as Tiger or Tigger, which finished second in CFA’s poll.

“It doesn’t take much imagination for some pot-smoking hacker in Amsterdam to try commonly used cat names such as Baby, Oreo, and Mr. Puddles when trying to break into a computer system,” said Arjun Patel of Symantec, a computer security firm.

Coincidentally Whiskers, Baby, Oreo, and Mr. Puddles ranked third through fifth in CFA’s survey.

CFA secretary-treasurer, Kathy Anger, called Mr. Patel’s comments an “insult to cat lovers” everywhere.

“Why should people whose cats are named Princess Kitty, Cuddles, or Boots be penalized just because they didn’t choose some snooty name like Copernicus or something?”

Coincidentally Princess Kitty, Cuddles, and Boots came in sixth, seventh, and eighth in CFA’s survey.

In other news, Merck Pharmaceuticals, manufacturer of NuvaRing, the world’s only round contraceptive device, announced yesterday that it is partnering with T-Mobile to produce a series of NuvaRingtones.    

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