Chocolate Jesus Part Stolen, Display Canceled

Someone stole a key component from the nude, anatomically ambitious chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that had been scheduled to go on display in New York tomorrow night. The theft was discovered early this morning by a custodian at the Lab Gallery in the Roger Smith Hotel, where the exhibition was to have taken place. A gallery official, announcing the cancellation, said there was not enough time to restore the missing element before opening night. “Cosimo Cavallaro worked at a scale rarely attempted in chocolate,” said Geoff Bolton, creative director at the gallery. “When you are sculpting a six-foot figure out of two hundred pounds of temperamental cocoa, every detail requires days of steady hands and monastic patience. Once part of the lower structure was damaged, the whole area would have needed rebuilding.” Mr. Bolton noted that chocolate is both fragile and surprisingly heavy. “Every foot of sculpture weighs more than most toddlers. Repairs are not simple. Or sanitary.” Reactions from Catholic organizations were swift. Will Montague, head of the watchdog group Catholics for Christianity League, called the vandalism “an act of disrespect toward both art and faith.” He added that he had viewed an early preview and considered the craftsmanship “astonishingly lifelike,” though he declined to elaborate further. Cardinal Connor O’Malley of the Archdiocese of New York condemned the theft as “a juvenile stunt designed to generate headlines,” urging New Yorkers to respond “with charity rather than ridicule.” Many New Yorkers, of course, chose ridicule. “I just want to know what kind of person looks at a two-hundred-pound chocolate statue and thinks, ‘Yes, that is the souvenir I need,’” said dock foreman Vic Longhesi, who stopped by the gallery with co-workers. “I hope whoever took it at least wrapped it before taking it on the subway.” In other news, following UCLA’s 76–66 loss to Florida last night, former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, 96, announced that the Bruins dynasty “may finally be over.”

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