Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Sporting Life

Gay Rights Group Slams Half-Time Engagement

an image

CHICAGO—Born That Way, a militant, self-described “queer rights” group, condemned the recent engagement of two fellows named Michael and Jake at halftime of a Chicago Bulls home game. The stunt went down a treat with members of the OMG fainting-couch community.

“The NBA’s First In-Game Gay Marriage Proposal Has Us Actually Crying It’s So Sweet,” simpered Jamie Cuccinelli on brides.com. As wet as this fellow sounds, we’d hate to be his keyboard.

Other breathless writers splashed around words like adorable, sweet, and cute, sounding wetter than a willing virgin on prom night. It was all too wonderful for words, except for words like top or bottompitcher or catcher.

Born That Way didn’t think so. “Those Nancy boys give faggotry a bad name,” said Lance Freelove, the group’s HMFIC. “No self-respecting twinkie gives a fist fuck about sports. A real gay man would have gotten engaged on QVC, a Cher Concert, a fucking casino, or a rest room on the New Jersey turnpike.”

Next on Ellen: Lesbian confesses that she hasn’t been able to look at her dental dam since the election.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

Verified by MonsterInsights