Alt-right Satire Site Wants Photos of Naked Progressives

WEST CHESTER, PA—Thirty-six years ago today my favorite progressive was murdered. John Winston Lennon was the kind of person who wasn’t afraid to take off his clothes and stand up for what he thought was right. I think more progressives ought to follow his lead. Enough with all this pearl clutching and fainting, my fellow Americans, let’s see what you’ve got there—and there, too..

I’m talking about you, Barbara Mikulski, and you, Michael Moore. Hillary? Are you there? Come out from behind that pants suit and let America see your smile. Debbie Wasserman-merdehead, you of the long and curly, let’s have a look at your other curls. Lydia Polgreen—HuffPo’s new, person of gay editor—we’d give three Trump buttons and our “Deplorable Lives Matter” T-shirt if you let us see what the guys are missing. Bernie? Your young, gullible fans think you’re a rock star, eh? Why not rock out with your cock out then? Anthony Wiener . . . oh, snap, we’ve already seen what you’ve got, and we ain’t impressed.

OK. OK. You get the idea. We welcome suggestions regarding which other progressives (buff or otherwise) you would like to see in the buff. Let’s give this idea legs, and bellies, and cellulite, and other bits of nauseous physicality.

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⚠️ Satire rules here. If you are looking for facts, bring your own. If you are looking for spiritual, economic, or moral counseling, try prayer. Just do not bring any lawyers around this entertainment-only venue.