Sony Software Will Limit CD Plays (Tech Satire)
Editor’s Note: This relic from our digital catacombs proves that some jokes never go out of date, even when the jokes were on us. Consider it a vintage pour of Sony Software, served neat. This classic tech satire gem first appeared in the Pug Bus archives in 2005. It revealed how Sony BMG, spotting repeat listeners as the newest menace to its bottom line, rolled out a controversial form of digital rights management (DRM) aimed at throttling how often consumers can spin the CDs they legally purchased and rightfully own.. What stinking Nazis.
Starting next Tuesday, every fresh Sony BMG release–from Fiona Apple to Bruce Springsteen to Shakira–will ship with DRM code that caps playback at one hundred listens. The scheme, derived from the much-maligned Extended Copy Protection (XCP) technology, also limits copying to a single backup–made within the first five plays. After that, the “backup privilege” expires, and the original disc becomes a shiny coaster.
Sony BMG spokesman Don McKee defended the move with a nostalgia play: “In the vinyl days, people had to replace their favorite LPs when scratches or warps made them unplayable. Cassettes stretched, tangled, and died. That cycle meant steady re-purchases for labels and artists. In fact, analysts estimate that repeat buyers accounted for roughly one-quarter of Thriller‘s historic sales.”
Unlike fragile formats of old, CDs resist wear and tear–and, being too tiny to scrape resin or mop up beer, last practically forever. That longevity, says Sony, has crushed the repeat-purchase gravy train.
McKee insisted the new limit won’t cramp most listeners’ style. “Music pirates claim most CDs have only five or six decent tracks, so the odds of anyone hitting a hundred plays are slim,” he said.
Industry analysts agree. Chad Tanko of Jupiter Research reports that Rolling Stones discs from the past two decades get about 12.5 spins on average, while Jessica Simpson’s fan base rarely cracks thirty-seven–especially the guys.
Yes, $19.95 may seem pricey, McKee conceded, but he framed it as a bargain. “If you squeeze every last play out of a ten-song CD, that’s less than two cents per track. That’s fair value for fans–and for the industry.”
Next Week on Oprah: Rod Stewart unveils the Oprah Music Club, proving once and for all that no format–CD, cassette, or 8-track–can save us from bad taste.
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⚠️ Satire rules here. If you are looking for facts, bring your own. If you are looking for spiritual, economic, or moral counseling, try prayer. Just do not bring any lawyers around this entertainment-only venue.
