postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Culture

Colin Farrell Sex Tape, Two Thumbs Down

philmaggitti 424 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Special Delivery, the much anticipated biracial romance starring Colin Farrell and former playmate Nicole Narain, fails to keep the viewer’s interest up despite grinding, albeit sincere, performances by its co-stars—and a surprise spin at the end. Farrell and Narain try mightily to flesh out their roles with locker room banter and single entendre Read More

News

Postal Service Marks Rate Hike with R. Kelly Stamp

philmaggitti 447 Views 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Postal Service marked the latest increase in the price of a first-class stamp (from 37 to 39 cents for the first ounce) by releasing the R. Kelly comemorative issue. The release date, January 8, is timed to coincide with Mr. Kelly’s thirty-ninth birthday. “We thought the synchronicity of Mr. Read More

News

FEMA Workers Search for Relatives of Trapped Miners

Biff Scuzzy 391 Views 3 min read

TALLMANSVILLE, W.Va.- Hundreds of Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) workers arrived in this mining town late last night and began going door to door in a search for relatives of the thirteen miners who have been trapped below the surface of the Sago Mine since early yesterday morning. FEMA, determined to prove that it is Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Revelation Tops New Year Predictions

Chip Hilton 430 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Angelina Jolie’s shocking admission that Robert DeNiro is the biological father of her “adopted” son, Maddox, tops the First Annual Pug Bus New Year Predictions. “Why do you think she inflicted that godawful mohawk on the kid?” asked the Pug Bus’ resident seer, Pugnacious. “She wants him to look like a Read More

Culture

Mariah Carey to Tom Cruise, 2005 Bytes

philmaggitti 453 Views 5 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Not for nothing did Marah release an album this year entitled If You Didn’t Laugh, You’d Cry. It was that kind of year, people, a jingle-jangle phantasmagoria of sights, sounds, and silliness; nonsense, nonesuch, and no-brainers. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. Some days art was hard pressed Read More

Celebrities

Tara Reid Breast Implants Threaten Her Life

Biff Scuzzy 489 Views 3 min read

MIAMI – Tara Reid, the once promising star of American Pie, is rumored to be at risk for Soy Oil Lachrymosis (SOL), a potentially life threatening condition that affects women who have had breast augmentation surgery. While her legions of horrified fans look on, Reid’s mammary implants seem to be growing larger by the day. If Read More

Culture

Jessica Simpson Plans for Leap Second

philmaggitti 445 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jessica Simpson has finalized her plan for taking advantage of the extra second—or leap second—that will be added to clocks around the world at the stroke of midnight on December 31. The recently separated singer-actress told reporters she will use the time “writing a post-nuptial agreement to protect my interests after Read More

Music

Mariah Carey in Talks with Jenny Craig

Chip Hilton 519 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Diva par excellence Mariah Carey, having mounted a successful comeback as a singer, now means to conquer the world of endorsements. The increasingly rotund Carey, thirty-six, huddled with executives from Jenny Craig in Aspen early last week to discuss the possibility of replacing Fat Actress star Kirsty Alley as the Jenny Craig Salt Lick Read More

Celebrities

Cameron Diaz Sues KFC Alleging Bird Flu Symptoms

Chip Hilton 406 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Cameron Diaz filed a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against the KFC corporation in Los Angeles superior court. The suit alleges that Diaz developed flulike symptoms after eating a three-piece, leg-and-thigh, extra-crispy dinner earlier this month. Also named in the suit is the KFC outlet on Rodeo Drive, where Diaz purchased the dinner at the take-out Read More

Politics

President Bush Spied on Internet Users

philmaggitti 487 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented step the White House released a classified report detailing the results of an eavesdropping campaign conducted in an Internet chat room. The chat room (www.letsgetsirius.org) is frequented by dog-loving singles looking to sniff out new partners for “romps on the beach” or “quiet nights in front of the fireplace.” Read More

Celebrities

Jennifer Aniston Backlash Is Building

Chip Hilton 404 Views 3 min read

BOSTON – Public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT have confirmed a rumor that a Jennifer Aniston backlash is building across the United States. The first hint of the backlash appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education on December 2. “What recently divorced actress is in danger of becoming so last year as a result of overexposure Read More

Politics

President Bush to Replace Verizon Guy

philmaggitti 477 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush and Verizon Wireless are expected to announce at a joint news conference today that the president will take the place of Paul Marcarelli, the long-time advertising face of Verizon, in a new series of commercials. The company is also expected to announce that it is changing its much-parodied Read More

Celebrities

Sir Elton John Slams Lady Madonna

Chip Hilton 431 Views 2 min read

LONDON – Marriage has not mellowed Sir Elton John, who exchanged vows with his longtime lover, David Furnish, today. At his pre-wedding hen party Monday night, John, 58, called Madonna “a miserable cow” for not attending the cabaret-style bash. “She was probably too busy practicing her phony British accent,” said John. “It would serve her Read More

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Files for Divorce over Lack of Nickname

philmaggitti 487 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Singer-actress Jessica Simpson, twenty-five, has filed for divorce from Nick Lachey, thirty-two, her husband of three years. In a divorce petition filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Simpson cited the lack of a nickname as the cause for the dissolution of her marriage. “BradJen, TomKat, Bradgelina, these are instantly recognizable brands,” said Read More