postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Music

Fats Domino Is Alive, Who Knew?

philmaggitti 455 Views 3 min read

BATON ROUGE – Rock ‘n’ roll singer Fats Domino, long believed to have been dead, has turned up alive in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. According to news reports, Domino, 77, who is sometimes remembered for his 1950s hits “Ain’t That a Shame” and “Blueberry Hill,” was rescued by boat Monday night from his apartment in New Read More

Politics

President Bush Orders Mardi Gras Moved to Astrodome

Biff Scuzzy 464 Views 2 min read

Moving swiftly to stem criticism that his response to the devastation in New Orleans has been “slow, indifferent, and sadly inadequate,” President Bush announced last night that by executive order Mardi Gras 2006 will be held in Houston’s Astrodome. Bush also announced that naming rights for the event had been purchased by Federal Express for Read More

News

Pug Bus Editor Stands by Bogus Tom Cruise Quotes

philmaggitti 460 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of the internationally acclaimed satire site, Postcards from the Pug Bus, says he stands by the quotes he made up about Tom Cruise, “no matter what Tom Cruise says.” Those “pretend quotes” in which Cruise claimed to have been Shakespeare in a previous life have “spread Read More

Politics

Bush Grants Emergency Sick Days to Hurricane Victims

Biff Scuzzy 439 Views 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly after arriving in Washington today, President Bush is expected to sign a presidential order intended to alleviate the suffering of hurricane victims in the battered Gulf Coast region. Standing in front of the Western White House in Crawford, Texas, in a yellow slicker and rain hat yesterday afternoon, the president announced Read More

News

John Roberts’ Advice on Briefs v. Boxers Quotas

philmaggitti 443 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON – Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts Jr. advised Attorney General William French Smith in 1982 that “it is a comfortable fit, philosophically” to seek legislation barring the use of quotas to remedy inequities in the use of briefs or boxers in the military. According to newly disclosed archival documents, Roberts sent a memo Read More

Celebrities

Michael Jackson Candy Bar Fails to Attract

philmaggitti 501 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Michael Jackson’s birthday celebration in Dubai was dampened by the anouncement that Godiva Chocolatier is close to halting distribution of Candy, Little Boy?, the commemorative candy bar introduced when Jackson’s trial began earlier this year. The white chocolate confection boasts a creamy nougat center encased in a hard shell wreathed by strands Read More

Politics

President Bush Offends Visitors with Aristocrats Joke

T.J. Eckleburg 432 Views 4 min read

CRAWFORD, Texas – President George W.Bush horrified a group of conservative pro-war activists at a private barbeque on his Crawford, Texas, ranch yesterday when he told The Aristocrats joke during a game of horseshoes. Widely touted as the filthiest joke in history, The Aristocrats is the subject of a recently released documentary film directed by Read More

Celebrities

Newton-John’s Lover Found in Jennifer Aniston’s House

philmaggitti 433 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Olivia Newton-John’s boyfriend, Patrick Kim McDermott, was found huddled under a blanket in Jennifer Aniston’s basement early this morning. McDermott, 48, who appeared to be healthy and unharmed, was discovered about 1:30 a.m. during a security sweep of the Friends star’s mansion by Malibu police. Aniston, 36, who is filming The Break Up Read More

Celebrities

Keanu Reeves Can’t Believe Diane Keaton Is 59

Chip Hilton 437 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Keanu Reeves is privately telling friends he was stunned when he discovered that Diane Keaton, with whom he has been linked romantically, “is like way older” than he is. “When I read in US Weekly the other day that she was fifty-nine,” Reeves told one acquaintance, “I was like, ‘whoa, dude, no way she’s Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Has Madonna with Child Syndrome

philmaggitti 420 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Angelina Jolie’s habit of never leaving home without at least one child in her arms or strapped to her person has finally attracted the attention of the mental health community. Writing in the current issue of TV Guide, Dr. Phil McGraw observed that Jolie is clearly suffering from a chronic case of Madonna Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Expecting Virgin Birth

philmaggitti 502 Views 4 min read

HOLLYWOOD- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting their first Scientologist next spring. Given the public displays of tonsil hockey put on by Cruise, 43, and Holmes, 26, in the world’s major capitals earlier this year, their announcement is about as surprising as Courtney Love revealing that she has another date with the jumper cables Read More

Music

Rolling Stones Headlines Rich with Song Puns

philmaggitti 457 Views 3 min read

BOSTON – Newspaper writers following the Rolling Stones latest world tour opened their coverage of Saturday night’s kick off concert in Boston with a high-stepping, energetic selection of headlines based on the names of songs in the Stones catalog. Readers who had any fears that age had dulled the writers’ chops were reassured by headlines Read More

Celebrities

Madonna Recovering Accent after Riding Fall

philmaggitti 641 Views 2 min read

TOLLARD ROYAL – Lady Madonna Louise Ciccone is recovering her British accent “quite nicely, thank you,” said a spokeswoman for the American singer turned faux aristocrat. Lady Madonna temporarily lost her accent—in addition to cracking three ribs and breaking her collarbone and her hand—when she fell while riding on the 1,200-acre grounds of Ashcombe House, Read More

Politics

Bush Hails Iraqi Constitution’s Marriage Definition

philmaggitti 440 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Bush administration put a positive spin on Iraqi lawmakers’ failure to agree on a draft charter of a new constitution by yesterday’s midnight deadline. President Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice all praised Iraqi lawmakers for including a statue defining marriage as the union Read More