Sunday, April 28, 2024
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President Bush Claims Spy Program Foiled Grammy Plot

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WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that “a top-secret domestic spying program” had foiled a plot to disrupt Wednesday’s Grammy Awards ceremony. According to the president, the intercepted communications that led to the discovery of the plot were “among the first fruits of Operation Homeland Harvest,” a new domestic spying program.

Unlike existing government spy programs that target only U.S. residents who participate in spoken or written communications with individuals living outside the United States, Operation Homeland Harvest extends the “terrorism fishing net” to all persons using a computer or telephone anywhere in the United States, said Mr. Bush.

The president declined to provide details of the disrupted plot, but a source close to the White House suggested it involved “jamming the teleprompters in order to disrupt performers who depend on lip synching.” The source also said there was some concern terrorists were planning to kidnap the reclusive Sly Stone.

“That would explain why Mr. Stone was on stage for only a brief period,” the source reported. “It would also explain the elaborate Mohawk and the metal coat. Sly’s own connection wouldn’t have recognized him in that get-up.”

By revealing the existence of Operation Homeland Harvest, the president signaled his intention to “take the fight” to anyone who criticizes him for his unorthodox interpretation of the constitution.

”As the Grammy plot shows,” Mr. Bush declared, “we face a relentless and determined enemy that hates us for what we listen to as well as what we stand for.”

The president refused to say how long Operation Homeland Harvest had been in existence, but he implied that it “had been around long enough” to foil plots against a “super-prominent sporting event and a popular year-end celebration.”

Democrats and some security experts questioned the timing and the authenticity of the president’s disclosures.

Los Angeles mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, a Democrat, was taken aback by Mr. Bush’s statements.

“I’m amazed that the president would make this announcement after the fact without informing us beforehand through the appropriate channels,” the mayor said.

Other Democrats, including Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.), claimed Mr. Bush is attempting to “legislate through fear” once again.

“This so-called breakthrough is transparently positioned to influence the vote on the Patriot Act,” said Ms. Clinton.

Meanwhile, several counterterrorism officials said they doubted the existence of a plot to disrupt the Grammies.

“There was no definitive plot,” said a senior counterterrorism official, who has worked at the CIA and the FBI.

Despite this cynicism, at least two Grammy performers thought the president’s remarks about a plot were believable.

“I thought it was suspicious that U2 and Kelly Clarkson won so many of the awards that should have been mine,” said Mariah Carey, who was nominated for eight Grammies but won only three.

Ms. Clarkson, for her part, said she had been planning to thank American Idol “for showcasing my God-given talent,” but the name of show did not appear in the text she was reading from a teleprompter.

In other news, Harvard scientists announced that they have developed the world’s first firmware update for humans.    

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