Britney Spears Archives - Page 12 of 13 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Assignment Gets Paparazzo Popped

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 21 years

MALIBU – Pandemonium broke out Saturday night when a paparazzo stalking Britney Spears at a hilltop home was struck in the leg by a plastic… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Brad Pitt Expanding Angelina Jolie Rumors Hotline

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan 21 years

HOLLYWOOD – Brad Pitt is expected to announce on Meet the Press Sunday the impending launch of Bradgelina 2.0, the updated version of his wildly popular rumors… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Jennifer Aniston Says She Wants to Have Baby

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 21 years

HOLLYWOOD – Jennifer Aniston told Vanity Fair that she “desperately” wants to have a baby. Aniston, 36, who became a godmother in April, said she was so… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears to Deliver Baby Live in September

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 21 years

HOLLYWOOD – Britney Spears, not content to let her sister, Jamie-Lynn, break the news that Britney is due to give birth to her first baby… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Sandra Bullock Wedding a Monster Mistake

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton 21 years

LAS VEGAS – Oddsmakers have set the over-under figure for the Sandra Bullock-Jesse James marriage at fourteen months, and the early money has been trending… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Johnny Depp Cited at Willy Wonka Premier

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 21 years

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp was cited for “gross negligence and insensitivity” by the International Fraternity of Fashion Monitors (IFFM) as he was leaving Grauman’s Chinese… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Speaks Out about Namibia Trip, Again

philmaggitti Britney Spears 21 years

A satirical “news” report about Britney Spears’ plan to move to Namibia that appeared on this website yesterday has been corroborated by China Daily, proving once… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields Trade Insults

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 21 years

Stay tuned, rubberneckers and doctoral candidates in celebrity meltdowns. The vanilla sky is apparently the limit as Cruise ricochets across America promoting his summer release,… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.