horoscopes

(Delivered fresh, like a slap from the cosmos.) Aries (3/21 – 4/19): You are full of ideas today. Sadly, most of them are banned by… Read More

(The sins of the family, it has been said, fall on the daughter. Astrologically speaking, the sins of those with whom we share a sign… Read More

(It is not personal. It is astrological.) ♑ Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) Project manager on a day off, but still managing. Shows up… Read More

Aries (March 21–April 19): Today you will discover a long-lost talent for making others deeply uncomfortable at social events. Lean in. Ruin a dinner toast.… Read More

(A horoscope in which your destiny is ruled by the mood swings of a sports franchise. Welcome to the TeamSpirit Zodiac. Your fate now depends… Read More

♋ Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22): The moon is in your house, and it forgot to wipe its feet. You’re feeling sensitive, sentimental, and suspicious of… Read More

🪠Cancer (June 21 – July 22):  Today your emotional depth rivals the Mariana Trench, but your coworkers still think you’re just “moody.” Mercury retrogrades… Read More

(Horoscopes that are fresh, slightly unhinged, and just unholy enough to cause celestial side-eye.) Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22): Your emotions are a soup. Stir them… Read More