Friday, September 22, 2023
The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick’s Lockdown Lessons

The Grammar Prick
Get out of my class.

I hope you boys and girls have been wearing your masks and practicing social distancing. Remember, good masks make good neighbors,and anyone who gets within six feet of you is trying to sell you something. While you’re staying quietly in your rooms, here’s a quiz to keep you amused. C’mon, you can’t look at porn and play video games and troll the dark web all day.

We’ll grapple with the meanings of dilemmafalse dilemmaCatch-22Sophie’s choice, and buckdancer’s choice. The following quiz will help to keep you from tripping over your tongue when using these terms.

1. A dilemma is . . . a) discernible by its vestigial horns, b) a choice between two or more options, all of which are about as attractive as pink eye, c) what you’re in when you come home smelling like cheap wine and pussy, d) in the eye of the beholder.

2. A false dilemma is . . . a) one in which all the choices have herpes, b) the root of all evil, c) a situation in which only two choices are considered or presented when there are other choices available, d) believing you have only one slot left on speed dial when actually you have two.

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3. Catch-22 is . . . a) a logical paradox arising from a situation in which an individual needs something that can only be acquired by not being in that very situation, b) Joseph Heller’s only good novel, c) best remembered for the full frontal nudity of the movie version, d) military slang for hashish.

4. Sophie’s choice is . . . a) cyanide or strychnine, b) not really a choice but a death wish, c) yet another movie for which Meryl Streep did not win an Oscar, d) a choice between two persons or things that will result in the death or destruction of the person or thing not chosen

5. Buckdancer’s choice is . . . a) played in the key of C, b) a singer’s decision to ignore requests and to play what he wants to play, c) the name of Rick Perry’s hunting camp, d) the fallacy of making the same choice repeatedly and expecting a different result each time.

The correct answers are: 1-B, 2-C, 3-C, 4-D, 5-A.

Ciao for now.    

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