Van Morrison Is the Dunce Cap of the Moment

That disgusting, little fat man Van Morrison, all of 5’5″ in his high-heeled boots, is the Celebrity Scandal Satire Dunce Cap of the Moment for September 2020. At one time a snot-flinging, curb-biting drunk, Morrison is still such a dork that he won’t allow people to drink at his “concerts” now that he doesn’t.

That is not why he’s won this Celebrity Scandal Satire dunce cap award, however. Morrison earned that one by writing three of the most dunderheaded anti-lockdown songs imaginable–songs so wretched, oblivious, and dumb that a sober man might think Van’s been gargling with the firewater again. We begin with “Born to Be Free,” due out today, wherein the singer declares, “The new normal, is not normal/It’s no kind of normal at all.”

Damned enlightening that. We hadn’t noticed. What else you got for us under that sexy hat, Van?

“Everyone seems to have amnesia/Don’t need the government cramping my style/Give them an inch, they take a mile.”

Don’t know who “Everyone” is or why they’ve got amnesia, but the give-them-an-inch cliche should never be used un-ironically.

We’ll skip over “As I Walked Out,” due October 9, and we urge you to skip over it, too. There are bigger fish to fry.

On October 23, “No More Lockdown” takes its place among the world’s great protest songs–down at the bottom, right below “Eve of Destruction.”

“No more lockdown/No more government overreach/No more fascist bullies/Disturbing our peace.”

“No more taking of our freedom/And our God given rights/Pretending it’s for our safety/When it’s really to enslave.”

Leonard Cohen he ain’t. Morrison is no word jockey–despite his size. He’s a tiresome, bloviating fool, whose timing could not be worse.

These punch-bowl turds drop at a time when the U.K. is looking at a second wave of a still novel coronavirus with more than 3,300 new cases recorded daily. The situation is so dire that restrictions have been imposed already in the North-East of England .

Too bad there isn’t a restriction against the uninformed misleading the gullible.

If you enjoy burying the clowns, grifters, blowhards, politicians, billionaires, influencers, and public nuisances who make life dumber by the day, here are more dunce caps available–from all cat and no cattle to pin heads.