Tony Soprano Victim of Dick Cheney-Style Hit
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NEW JERSEY – Mob boss Tony Soprano was the victim of a Dick Cheney-style hit on the season opener of The Sopranos last night. Mr. Soprano was shot once in the abdomen by his Uncle Junior, who mistook him for an intruder when he (Uncle Junior) came downstairs in his house and saw Mr. Soprano standing in the kitchen.
“The similarities between the Cheney thing and the Uncle Junior thing are striking,” said Michael Imperioli, who plays Mr. Soprano’s nephew Christopher in the popular HBO series.
“Like Cheney, Uncle Junior didn’t notify the press after he had pulled the trigger on Tony, who was cooking pasta in Junior’s kitchen when he got clipped. Uncle Junior went upstairs instead and hid his gun under the bed. Then he ducked into the bedroom closet.”
A cast member of The Sopranos who did not wish to be identified said that similarities to the Cheney shooting are even more apparent in the next episode of the show.
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“June tells Janice (Tony Soprano’s sister) to report the shooting to a local newspaper,” said the cast member. “Then June tells reporters it was Tony’s fault for not announcing himself when he heard June coming downstairs. He says he couldn’t see Tony, who should have been wearing orange, because the steam from the boiling water was fogging up the kitchen.”
The cast member would not say whether Mr. Soprano’s wound was fatal, nor would he say whether Mr. Soprano, if he does survive, will hold a press conference to apologize for the discomfort the shooting caused Uncle Junior.
In related news, Vice President Cheney’s office said the vice president “is not amused” that accidental shootings have come to be known as “doing a Cheney” on someone. Said a spokesman for Mr. Cheney, “With all the positive things the vice president has done to advance the cause of peace, to protect the environment, and to champion the less fortunate members of our society, it would be cruelly ironic if the one thing he was remembered for was shooting someone in the face accidentally.”