postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Month: February 2006

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

The Jessica Simpson Divorce Quiz Redux

Chip Hilton 482 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Although Jessica Simpson purchased a $3-million house in Beverly Hills following her split with Nick Lachey, the singer-actress-shoe designer seems to prefer the comfort of the storied Chateau Marmont when she has a date. According to several tabloid publications’ paid informants, however, some of the Chateau Marmont’s other guests wish Ms. Simpson Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Bono Nobel Peace Prize Quiz

Chip Hilton 493 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Irish rock star Bono has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, one of the few significant awards that has eluded him. Time magazine’s 2005 Person of the Year and Rolling Stone magazine’s Most Annoying Celebrity of 2005, “solo male performance in a rock band” category, Mr. Bono could complete the hat trick by copping Read More

Sporting Life

Winter Olympics Will Eliminate Medals in 2010

philmaggitti 445 Views 3 min read

TORINO, Italy – In response to Olympic athletes’ proclaimed indifference to medals, an Olympic official told reporters following the women’s figure skating championship last night that certificates of participation would “more than likely” replace medals at the next Winter Olympics, which will be held in Vancouver in 2010. “After listening to athlete after athlete declare Read More

Celebrities

Nicole Richie Toys with Food and Paparazzi

Chip Hilton 438 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Once again Nicole Richie has managed to go out to lunch without actually being photographed eating. The ninety-one-pound starlet lunched with friends for forty-five minutes at an outdoor cafe earlier this week, but not one of the dozens of paparazzi who circled the block in a convoy of SUVs came away with a Read More

Music

Kevin Federline’s PopoZao Surprisingly Not Bad

Chip Hilton 462 Views 3 min read

(Two Stars Out of Four, Explicit Lyrics) As rap songs go, Kevin Federline’s “PopoZao,” the first single off his Straight Outta Malibu CD that will drop in the spring, slips easily into the middle of the 2 Pac—not great, not horrible, not chronic, not trash weed. In fact “PopoZao” is dark years ahead of Mr. Federline’s last Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Obsessed with Princess Diana

philmaggitti 449 Views 4 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Britney Spears’ obsession with the late Princess Diana, which has worried the singer’s friends for some time, became public knowledge last week when Ms. Spears told People magazine, “The paparazzi killed Princess Di, and they’re fixin’ to kill me next.” According to a close friend, Ms. Spears’ obsession with Princess Diana began last summer when Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Sues Life & Style over Split Story

Biff Scuzzy 464 Views 4 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise has filed a $10-million lawsuit against Life & Style magazine for reporting that he and fiancée, Katie Holmes, called off their engagement sometime before Valentine’s Day. Branding the article willfully false and inaccurate, Mr. Cruise declared, “This will be the most expensive trash that rag has ever printed.” The Life & Style article reported that Read More

Sporting Life

Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones Handicap the Oscars

philmaggitti 420 Views 3 min read

PHOENIX, Ariz. – Phoenix Coyotes coach Wayne Gretzky and his actress wife, Janet Jones, won’t permit a little bad press regarding their gambling habits to dampen their trademark sense of humor. They have decided to “damn the hockey pucks” and to honor a commitment they made to US Weekly last year to handicap the 2006 Oscar race. Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Angelina Jolie Disappointed by Results of Poll

Chip Hilton 446 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Angelina Jolie was not amused to learn that more than two out of three respondents to a recent Internet poll failed to recognize her adopted son’s middle name. Although Ms. Jolie stopped short of questioning the accuracy of the poll—or the integrity of its sponsor—she said the results of the poll demonstrated “the Read More

Sporting Life

Wayne Gretzky’s Wife Bet on Instant Replay

philmaggitti 456 Views 2 min read

TRENTON, N.J. – For Wayne Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones, betting on a football game is “way tame, eh?” The part-time actress and full-time gambler not only bet $75,000 on this year’s Super Bowl but also wagered $5,000 on the pre-game coin toss, $10,000 on the over-under number of combined challenges utilized by Mike Holmgren and Read More

Politics

President Bush Claims Spy Program Foiled Grammy Plot

philmaggitti 453 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that “a top-secret domestic spying program” had foiled a plot to disrupt Wednesday’s Grammy Awards ceremony. According to the president, the intercepted communications that led to the discovery of the plot were “among the first fruits of Operation Homeland Harvest,” a new domestic spying program. Unlike Read More

Music

Mariah Carey Declares Comeback Over

Chip Hilton 475 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Pop diva Mariah Carey declared after last night’s Grammy awards that her “brilliant comeback year” was over. While one assistant held her Optifast drink and another held her three Grammys, a tearful Ms. Carey told members of the press, “You won’t have Mimi to kick around any more.” Ms. Carey was clearly Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Britney Spears Driver Safety Quiz

Chip Hilton 452 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Britney Spears responded angrily to “all y’all out there who falsely accused me of being irresponsible for not wearing a seat belt when I was teaching little Sean Preston how to steer.” In a message posted in the “Today’s Truth” section of her website, Spears declared, “People shouldn’t be so quick to point Read More