MIAMI – Poor Jessica Simpson. Language just doesn’t seem to be her strong suit. The Employee of the Month star was dancing in the wings at a John Mayer concert this week, singing along happily while her newest beau entertained cheering fans. Trouble was, she got many of the lyrics wrong.
“It was a hoot,” said one of Mr. Mayer’s roadies, who understandably asked not to be identified.
“When he got to the part in ‘Good Love Is on the Way’ where he sings ‘You can take all the tricks up my sleeve, I don’t need them anymore,’ Jessica sang, ‘You can’t fake all the tricks; I believe guys don’t need them plenty more.’
“Then, during ‘Wait Until Tomorrow’ instead of singing, ‘Now I’m standing here like some turned down serenading fool,’ she was singing ‘I’m landing here like some burned down panty-raiding tool.’
“She was so bad we were laughing about setting up a monitor for her to read the lyrics from, but then somebody remembered she can’t read for shit either. You ought to see how fast John changes the subject whenever she asks if she can sing on stage with him.”
Ms. Simpson’s language problems have caused her difficulty in the past. During the taping of a live tribute to Dolly Parton at the Kennedy Center on December 3, she turned “Yawnin’, stretchin’, try to come to life” into “Bonin’ gets me stretchin’, try to cum, alright!”
After the rest of the Parton tribute show had proceeded without incident, producer George Stevens asked Ms. Simpson if she wanted a mulligan, but she replied, “No thanks. I ain’t hungry.”
In related news, Billy Joel and his latest twenty-three-year-old wife also attended the John Mayer concert at the BankUnited Center, but they went unrecognized until Mr. Joel backed into a car and sideswiped another as he was trying to leave the parking lot.
