Book of Daze: Dead Houseplant Amnesty Day

Dead Houseplant Amnesty Day is marked by small, private rituals: the removal of desiccated stalks from their pots, a moment of silence for the succulent that was supposed to be unkillable, and the reading aloud of original purchase prices — $12, $22.50, the $40  fiddle-leaf fig that lasted eleven days — spoken with the solemnity usually reserved for insurance claims.

Dead Houseplant Amnesty Day has grown steadily since the founding of the Society for Posthumous Horticultural Dignity in 2021, whose motto, “They Were Watered. Once.” appears on tote bags sold at plant nurseries.

Brenda Kowalczyk, 54, a dental hygienist, has killed fourteen houseplants in the past three years. Brenda set her most recent casualty — a pothos, widely considered immortal — by her kitchen window at dawn.

“The tag said it wanted indirect light,” Kowalczyk said. “I gave it what I understood indirect light to be. We had a disagreement about that,  and I lost.”

Terry Mancuso, 48, an optometrist, who keeps dead plants in their pots for what he calls “a respectful interval” before disposal, observed the day without comment until pressed.

“The cactus I understand less,” Mancuso said. “A cactus. In Arizona. I had to do something to make that happen. I’m not sure what I did. I’ll think about it.”

Carol Dreibelbis, 62, a retired phys ed teacher, maintains a small notebook of plant deaths organized by species. She placed a single smooth stone in each empty pot as a memorial.

“The pothos is the saddest,” Dreibelbis said, placing a stone. “Because they know. Before you buy it, you think: this one I can do. You look it right in the leaf. And it believes you.”

At dusk, observers are encouraged to water any surviving plants, take no photographs, and make no promises they cannot keep. The Society asks only that participants wait at least three weeks before buying another one.

They will not wait three weeks.

For additional Book of Daze entries celebrating other days that ought not to exist either.