Lips bloomed on Gerald’s backside overnight. He derailed the next day’s budget meeting when his trousers declared, “The moon’s a sentient being.”
Pandemonium followed. HR wept, sparrows dive-bombed the conference room windows, and Gerald’s mouth grew shy.
Corporate then restructured communication. Emails were banned, buttocks uplifted. Profits soared. Pretty cheeky.
Yesterday, with his 500th Executive Order, PresidentTrump dismantled Reddit, whose 500 million monthly users exceed the populations of most countries. “‘Front door of the Internet,’ my ass,” railed President Trump. “Bunch of America-hating INCELS and GRIFTERS and WANNABES. Probably VEGANS too!!! If they had jobs, I’d fire ’em.”
If ever you hear someone make this claim, change the subject fast; otherwise you’ll be sorry to learn that “spiritual” folks believe in some batshit notions–crystals, astrology, sweat lodges, yoga, Ouija boards, Tarot cards, the I Ching–that make the notion of Jesus walking on water seem downright plausible. Amen.
The rooster began crowing to beat hell at 5:00 a.m. It was the first sound that Tom heard. Half asleep he thought, “If you wake my old man again, you stupid chicken.” The “stupid chicken” crowed a second time, louder. The third sound Tom heard came from his father’s shotgun.