philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 38 of 156

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Glowing Ouija board surrounded by ghostly blue and violet hands as a luminous planchette traces zodiac symbols in smoky golden light — a vivid, supernatural scene for the Ouija Board Horoscopes: The Dead Speak to Us feature.

Twelve ghosts, one board, zero accountability.

Ouija Board Horoscopes: The Dead Speak to Us

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

The dead have forgotten more than the living know, and most of what the living know they got on line anyway. That is why we… Read More

A crowd takes selfies in front of the U.S. Capitol building reflected in a distorted carnival mirror, where the warped, glowing image contrasts with the real, weathered structure—symbolizing the truth-adjacent nature of modern politics.

A nation gazes lovingly at its own truth-adjacent distortion.

Book of Daze: Truth-Adjacent Day

philmaggitti bookof-daze 6 months

For at least two decades now, adjacency has wormed its way into the public discourse, gnawing holes in it like a caffeinated termite. What used… Read More

Colorful Halloween illustration of twelve zodiac figures in whimsical costumes—lion in tutu, crab with crown, bull in cape—floating among constellations under a glowing moon for Trick or Treat horoscopes.

"Even the constellations are begging for candy this year."

Horoscopes for Trick or Treat, Early Edition

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

We are posting this year’s Horoscopes for Trick or Treat a few days early to avoid the seasonal rush of sugar, hysteria, and costume indecision.… Read More

"Vintage-style black and white ink illustration of two jitterbug dancers mid-air in a dynamic swing pose, surrounded by musical notes, phonograph horns, and bowtie-wearing insects orbiting a central vinyl record, evoking 1930s jazz energy and kinetic motion."

"Ii we survive this spin, we achieve enlightenment and a free root beer float.”

Book of Daze: Jitterbug Day

philmaggitti bookof-daze 6 months

Let it be known throughout the land that October 25th is Book of Daze: Jitterbug Day, a sacred observance commemorating the only dance that can… Read More

“Satirical portrait of Stephen A. Smith wearing a comically oversized ‘Asshat of the Moment’ hat, styled like buttocks, with bold text and formal suit against parchment background.”

ESPN confirms hat has higher IQ than host.

Stephen A. Smith Crowned Dunce Cap of the Moment

philmaggitti dunce cap, trump 6 months

Stephen A. Smith has finally done it. He has transcended the realm of hot takes and entered the pantheon of weaponized idiocy. In a recent… Read More

Sports satire illustration of Caitlin Clark going in for a layup.

Caitlin Clark shooting a layup.

Sports Satire: Caitlin Clark’s Reverse Tanking

philmaggitti sporting life 6 months

In sports satire, Caitlin Clark edition, she is being investigated by the FBI for the crime of being too good at basketball in a league… Read More

Illustration of a glowing coin floating in space next to a planet, symbolizing the sports gambling fate with zodiac and sports markings.

“When the universe flips the coin, the house always wins.”

Sports Gambling Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 6 months

â™ˆ Aries (March 21–April 19) You are feeling bold enough to call the coin toss and rig the replay booth. Odds of pulling off a… Read More

Sports betting illustration of a basketball super imposed over a roulette wheel.

Place your bets.

NBA Embraces Sports Betting

philmaggitti sporting life 6 months

Where to begin with sports betting and the grand spectacle that is the NBA turning its broadcasts into an interactive carnival of “place-your-bets” and “live-those-odds”?… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.