Existential Horoscopes
The stars, once proud to dictate destiny, have taken a philosophy course and fallen into despair. These existential horoscopes are for rational beings who realize… Read More
Author: philmaggitti
Book of Daze: Pretend You Read Classic Literature
Once a year, the nation celebrates the noble art of literary bluffing. On Pretend You Read Classic Literature Day, ordinary citizens dust off the unread… Read More
Happy Horoscopes for Unhappy Souls
Welcome to Happy Horoscopes for Unhappy Souls, where the stars do not so much guide you as roast you gently over a cosmic flame. If… Read More
Vegan Tampons in the Gents: The National Trust’s Castle of Confusion
Britain, once the globe-spanning empire of cannonballs and Shakespearean insults, now dispenses vegan tampons in at least one men’s bathroom. At Sizergh Castle, the National… Read More
Book of Daze: Competitive Dumpster Diving
A game for the truly resourceful, competitive dumpster diving is the fastest growing sport in America. More demanding than extreme ironing, more elegant than wife… Read More
The NBA’s New Load Management Rules for Fans
🀠In a bold move designed to protect the emotional and physical well-being of its prize demographic–people who care deeply about millionaires with bad hair in shorts–the… Read More
The Grammar Prick convenes the firing squad for crimes against language. Justice prepares to proofread.
The Ten Worst Clichés in English Should Be Capital Crimes
Cliches are the herpes of human speech–once contracted, they flare up whenever people try to sound thoughtful. You hear them at brunches, board meetings, and… Read More
Book of Daze: Baker’s Dozen Day
In medieval England, bakers often gave their customers thirteen rolls, a baker’s dozen, when the customers had paid for only twelve. This was done out… Read More