Book of Daze: Flip Off the CCTV Spies

CCTV spies are watching. Always watching. They have eyes in the sky, eyes in the supermarket, eyes in the bank and the shopping mall, too. Eyes at the ATM, eyes on the BLM, eyes at the g, y, m, eyes on me and you. Eyes in the motels, eyes on the street, eyes on the highways and the places where we eat. Eyes on the internet, eyes on the TV set, eyes, let us not forget, that do not forget a thing.

We have all been unpaid extras in thousands of CCTV scenes. Thus the necessity of Flip Off the CCTV Spies Day. Historians of the absurd claim it began not with a bang, but with the purchase of hemorrhoid cream at a big-box retailer. A man, known only as Patient Zero of the Resistance, felt the cold, unblinking gaze of a dome camera bearing down on him as he compared ointment prices.

He felt in that moment that his anonymity had been bum rushed for the security of a discount store. Overcome by the stiffling  weight of the panopticon, Arthut still did not smash the lens. He did not scream. He looked up, locked eyes with the imaginary security guard eating a donut in a back room, and extended his right middle digit in a solemn salute of defiance. The camera did not explode, but his soul felt lighter.

The movement spread through chat room  networks, a rebellion against the quantification of human existence. It resulted in a holy day for those who wish to remind the machine that while it may watch us, it cannot judge us without witnessing our displeasure.

Ways to Celebrate

Participation in this holiday requires vigilance and a  degree of dexterity. The most common method of celebration is the “Casual Glance.” As you enter a bank, a grocery store, or an elevator, locate the evil  black sphere in the corner. Maintain a neutral  expression. Slowly raise your hand as if to scratch your nose, but allow the middle finger to extend upward. Hold the pose for three seconds to ensure the frame rate captures your sentiment.

For the more theatrical celebrant there is the “Double Barrel Salute.” This is best performed in open public spaces like traffic intersections equipped with red-light cameras.

Stand safely on the sidewalk. Face the pole. Extend both arms skyward with middle fingers unfurled. Imagine you are conducting a symphony of defiance. Do this until the light changes or a pedestrian asks if you are all right.

Finally, do not neglect the camera in your pocket. Spend some time holding your phone at arm’s length, looking into the front-facing camera, and offering the gesture to the data brokers who are currently analyzing your pore size to sell you moisturizer. Your gesture is a reminder to them that you are not a data point, but a living, breathing organism with a bad attitude and excellent hand-eye coordination.

The Saga of Saint Arthur the Unencumbered

We conclude our essay with a nod to the patron saint of Flip Off the CCTV Spies Day, Arthur “Full Moon” McAllister.

Arthur was a purist in the realm of advocating for privacy. He believed that if the state insisted on watching him, he would give them a show to remember.

On a crisp Tuesday evening in late autumn, Arthur marched to the center of the town square, directly beneath the high-definition municipal security dome. He planted his feet firmly on the cobblestones. He looked up into the unfeeling glass eye. With the passion of a martyr, he thrust both hands skyward, middle fingers extended like dual antennas of rage. He screamed at the lens about the erosion of civil liberties and the tyranny of the algorithm. It was a moving display of democratic spirit.

The police arrived within three minutes. The arrest report notes, however, that Arthur was not detained for his hand gestures, which were ruled protected speech. He was taken into custody because, in his haste to expose the truth, he had also exposed everything else. Arthur had left his house wearing nothing but a pair of socks and a light sweater.

When the judge asked why he had chosen to confront the surveillance state while entirely nude from the ankles up, replied that he wanted to ensure he had nothing to hide. He is celebrated today as the man who proved that while the camera adds ten pounds, it unfortunately does not add a pair of trousers. The footage remains in the evidence locker to this day, a grainy testament to the fact that while Big Sister is indeed watching, sometimes she wishes she could look away.

For additional Book of Daze entries celebrating other days that ought not to exist either.

⚠️ Satire rules here. If you are looking for facts, bring your own. If you are looking for spiritual, economic, or moral counseling, try prayer. Just do not bring any lawyers around this entertainment-only venue.