Culture

a woman looking quizzically at a man as if she is trying to read his lips
"You wanna do what?!"
Culture

There’s Many a Slip When Reading Lips

philmaggitti 17 Views 3 min read

Lip reading, what a skill– the quiet, dignified alternative to eavesdropping; the last resort when subtitles fail and sound systems betray you. A noble effort, indeed, but Lord deliver us from amateurs, because unless you’re a trained professional, your attempts at deciphering spoken words purely through visual cues are likely to go horribly, hilariously wrong. Read More

wedding party in a brawl at the reception
"The wedding toast led to fisticuffs."
Culture

Stars, Stripes, and Sucker Punches

philmaggitti 20 Views 3 min read

America, land of the free and home of the unhinged public brawl. In the USofA there is no place too sacred, too wholesome, or too wildly inappropriate for two people (or twenty) to start swinging. These are some of the most absurd battle arenas where decorum has been tossed out the window and replaced with Read More

woman sitting at a computer in a cluttered room
"Calling all cars. Calling all cars."
Culture

True Crime Does Not Pay

philmaggitti 30 Views 6 min read

In 2023, there were 1,219,810 violent crimes reported in the United States–and an equal number of websites, television shows, and podcasts devoted to solving crimes, including the 270,000 unsolved “cold” cases littering police station books. A true crime obsession has head locked America with the force of a gripping police procedural. We’re a nation preoccupied Read More

image of the country singer HARDY wearing a black T-shirt that reads "HARDY SUCKS"
"The HARDY boy makes good."
Culture

HARDY Rules!

Biff Scuzzy 71 Views 4 min read

HARDY’s COUNTRY! EP kicks dirt on Morgan Wallen’s album I’m the Problem and Eric Church’s Evangeline vs. the Machine. In a year filled with high-profile country releases, three albums dropped this month (May) dominate the musical conversation: HARDY’s COUNTRY!, Morgan Wallen’s I’m the Problem, and Eric Church’s Evangeline vs. the Machine. While each brings something Read More

image of a Shiz Tsu's face
"Why does mommy have daddy's pee-pee in her mouth?"
Culture

PETA Warns about Having Sex in Front of Your Pets

philmaggitti 15 Views 2 min read

According to PETA, most animal behavior problems are the result of “too much exposure to human sexual activity.” Therefore, pet owners who subject their little friends to triple-x-rated performances should not be surprised if their dogs break into the hamper and chew soiled underwear, or their cats sit on the coffee table trying to lick Read More

sad looking mixed breed dog with one floppy ear
Culture

Eleven Things That Shouldn’t Happen to a Dog

philmaggitti 627 Views 2 min read

The list of things that shouldn’t happen to a dog forms an interesting cul-de-sac in the public discourse. According to finance writer Jane Bryant Quinn, “What happens to whistle blowers in this country shouldn’t happen to a dog.” Screenwriter Stephen Schiff believes that “having a lawyer in the editing room is something that shouldn’t happen Read More

Culture

How to Tell You Were Masturbating to Bad Porn

T.J. Eckleburg 608 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Jesus once said, “The porn you will always have with you.” He was right. In fact, porn is multiplying faster than the loaves and fishes. Last year more than 5.5 billion hours of porn were consumed on Pornhub, the world’s largest porn gallery. Thirty-five percent of all internet downloads are porn-related (WebRoot). Porn Read More

Culture

Wal-Mart Employees Embarrassed by Stock Decline

philmaggitti 555 Views 3 min read

MORGANTOWN, Penna. – The recent decline in the value of Wal-Mart stock has decimated company morale, threatened the social fabric of many small communities, and led thousands of Wal-Mart employees to seek other career opportunities. Wal-Mart shares dropped nearly 4 percent on Thursday, threatening their four-and-a-half-year low set in late April, and Wal-Mart employees are Read More

Culture

5 Easy Hacks for Improving Your Karma This Summer

philmaggitti 563 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Contrary to popular opinion–and to the creators of My Name Is Earl–karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don’t come back as a port-o-potty in the next life, and it sure as hell ain’t about some Great Score Keeper in the sky. Karma was invented more Read More

Culture

Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Chip Hilton 528 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Roger Stamen is not shy about declaring his preference in sexual partners. “Plants get me off,” says Mr. Stamen, a self-employed landscape gardener. “They always have, ever since I was a kid. When other guys were masturbating to Penthouse or Beaver, I was hunched over the latest issue of Horticulture magazine.” Sitting at Read More

Culture

Local SPCA Rescues 250 Pug Dog Figurines

philmaggitti 528 Views 4 min read

CHADDS FORD, Penn. – Acting on a tip from a local animal rights activist, police and SPCA officers raided the home of longtime pug figurine collector Dotsie Kerrigan, 67, yesterday. As horrified neighbors in the exclusive development of Chadds Ford Knoll looked on, police removed more than 250 pug figurines from Kerrigan’s $850,000 mock Tudor Read More