Culture

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Karma, the law of moral causation, was invented more than 2,500 years ago in Northern India to answer troubling questions about the inequalities of life. People wanted to know, for example, why one person had separate houses for his family and his animals while another person shared his bed and sometimes his wife Read More

Malvern, PA—Devin Maddox, a senior tax accountant, uses medical marijuana (MMJ) to help manage his Crohn’s disease. When a doctor approved him for an MMJ license, Mr. Maddox signed a standard consent form agreeing not to use MMJ “for recreational purposes.” After several visits to his local dispensary, however, he has begun to suspect that Read More

NEW YORK—Hormel Foods, makers of Spam, announced yesterday that it has added edible swimwear to the ever-growing catalog of novelty gift items made in the image and likeness of the popular foodstuff. According to Hormel’s chief information officer, Gloria Silverman, “SPAM swimwear is the first item in what is expected to be a long line Read More

NEW YORK—Walmart Inc [NYSE: WMT, 116.92, ▲ 0.90 (0.78%)] announced yesterday that it will begin selling CBD-infused dental dams in all its retail outlets by September 25. The move is seen by industry analysts as an attempt to boost dental dam sales—an attempt, if you will, to encourage Walmart customers to put their money where Read More

BLOOMINGTON, Ind.—Researchers at the Kinsey Institute of Sex and Public Policy at Indiana University report that millennials cannot agree on what they mean when they say they’ve “had sex.” This conclusion was based on phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women born between 1983 and 2000. Most were heterosexual, though Read More

In its September issue, which has been out since mid-June, High Times magazine ran sponsored content pimping CBD oil as a cure for menstrual distress. We generally don’t put much stock in sponsored content or on websites that feature it—and we have noticed a determined effort from High Times to court female readers—nevertheless we thought Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Political commentator and steamy, right-wing sex goddess Ann Coulter has never been loath to use her sexuality or her febrile tongue to sell books. She called used-to-be-presidential-candidate John Edwards a faggot, insinuated that Hillary Clinton is a “flabby-ass dyke,” suggested that widows of 9/11 victims “would go without panties to their Read More

SAN FRANCISCO—On Valentine’s Day the Bay Area Gender Benders will host the first annual JonBenét Ramsey Young Trannies Beauty Pageant. Open to innocent children between the ages of four and eight, the Young Trannies pageant will feature talent, fancy dress, and self-defense competitions. “It’s never too early to foster positive gender images or to let Read More

NEW YORK—Richard B. Spencer, who has been called the Golden Boy of the Alt-Right, will adorn the cover of GQ’s February 2017 (Valentine Day) issue. The handsome, natty, and oh-so-controversial Mr. Spencer, who seeks to spread the gospel of white nationalism, is already spreading the gospel that “Neo-Nazis” are a far cry sartorially from their goose-stepping, Read More

NEW YORK—According to Consumer Reports 2015 Road Rage Survey, the most likely road rage perpetrator this year was a male between thirty-five and fifty driving a blue, late-model BMW on a Tuesday afternoon at roughly 5:45. This is the second year in row that BMW is the road rage vehicular weapon of choice. Range Rover and Audi Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The National Council for Transgender Equality (NCTE) charged today that Time magazine’s choice of the clitoris as its 2015 Person of the Year “invalidates the narratives” of thousands of transgender women around the world. “By conferring this award on the clitoris,” said the NCTE, “Time mocks transgender women everywhere, who are not considered part of this award Read More

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—The West Goshen Vegan Alliance (WGVA), a militant culinary rights group, is holding a special Fat Chance Supper on Saturday October 17 to commemorate the passing of Chef Paul Prudhomme, who is alleged to have created the turducken, “a hideous monstrosity” comprising a deboned chicken shoved inside a deboned duck, which is, in Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Atheism is the quickest-growing non-religion in the United States. To celebrate this glorious fact, we are pleased to introduce a series of articles of, by, for, and about atheists. We begin with “Ask Nietzsche, Advice for Atheists,” a column designed to help atheists who find themselves caught in the sticky wickets often created Read More

LONDON – In a recent study conducted by the National Centre for Social Research, nine out of ten Britons were unable to identify Pippa Middleton’s ass in a mock police lineup. The 587 randomly selected individuals who took part in the study ranged in age from twenty-one to sixty-five. The group included men, women, gays, Read More